yoU Pee on the Elephant

My name is Aamir. I am a daily wager. I belong to a neglected caste. I am a farmer by profession and an artist by heart. I love to carve stones. It's less profitable than farming, but it hasn't rained well this year. I got to know about a work opportunity at a nearby state's capital. So, I thought that instead of earning less money from farming, why not tap money by doing something I like.

They had given me the pictures to be carved on stone, but with strict instructions about the facial expressions. I am creative and I would have loved to carve the expressions on my own. With no choice, I planned to apply my brains over the legs, dress, hairs, hands and fingers. Just before lunch, I finished one of the hands. I carved the fingers and the thumb too. The pictures they gave me featured a politician with index finger pointing outwards, which according to them signified vision, growth and leadership. The statue however is meant to give a different overall message, my friends told me. It’s all a political gimmick, they said. I second my friends on their thoughts about the leader. I never really came to know about the achievements of this leader. Yes, I heard about the wins and laurels, but I never got to know about the benefits which were promised, the benefits which were claimed specially for my caste.

My father used to tell me that the word "Aamir" means "a leader"; i felt it was time for me to be an "Aamir". I took my frustration out, I carved out my revenge from this slave job and dictatorship. I did hammer the finger out, but with a small alteration. It was not the index finger, it was the one next to index. I know the stupid officers and the blind voters will not notice the change in the finger anyways.

The officer visited the next day. He looked a little worried and hurried. "Stop the work, you have to leave the garden before evening", he said. "6 hours" was the deadline he gave to me and my colleagues to leave the place. Some court took the decision to stop the work within 6 hours. "May be the finger pointed towards that court; some supreme ego must have got hurt", I thought and laughed vehemently.

Well, I lost both the earning options. But trust me, I am not sad. I prevented an extra Elephanta caves after all. I would rather carve my own picture back home now, with my "inked" index finger taming a powerful elephant! .. Ha! ..

taken from: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/05/indias_massive_general_electio.html

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Check out:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/news/india/All-construction-of-memorials-in-Lucknow-must-stop-in-6-hours-SC-to-Maya-govt/articleshow/4998397.cms

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/City/Bhubaneswar/Orissa-sculptors-chip-in-to-craft-Mayawatis-statues/articleshow/4946116.cms

My name is K-K-K-Khan | Shahrukh Khan

A 4000 cc sedan got towed. "Shahrukh Khan detained at Newark airport". 48 hours worth news platter for Indian Media. Over 5000 articles all over the world in 2 days.
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My picks:

Rajiv Shukla (Congress): "When they allowed him to use his cell, I was the first person he called. Then i just called the US officials and sorted things out." .. ehh? Rajiv? .... Gandhi?

Ambika Soni: "We will do the same to their people".. mam, we couldn't even protect our honourable ex-President Kalam from getting frisked by them, in India!!

Mandvi to Jon Stewart (on their show): "This is Khan .. you don't know who you are dealing with. He is the Shia LaBeouf of Mumbai, the dude from Twilight of Calcutta, Hugh Jackman of Jaipur and Bruce Wills of Delhi." .. who are you? Jacky Bhagnani of Tampa?

Daler Mehndi: "This is very bad. This should not happen to celebrities like us".. us? bolo ta-ra- ra-ra
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Shahrukh appeared on CNN-IBN wih Rajdeep Sardesai. Naturally, it was time for TIMES NOW to pull up their socks. They invited Salman on "Frankly Speaking", a show hosted by Arnab Question Bank Goswami.

Here's Shahrukh, after Rajdeep Sardesai (CNN-IBN) tried to dig his unspoken emotions out:

Shahrukh Khan (Obama in disguise): "I don't like visting A; not because it targets B, but because sometimes "small" things like C cause disappointment. I don't mind the D, although as a "human being" i feel it's a "little" E. It's a "system" "we" created, a system we chose to live in. I "respect" the system and therefore i "deeply believe" that i would definitely go there again, whenever required." What the F?

On TIMES NOW, Arnab first labeled Shahrukh a diplomat because he did not speak frankly on CNN-IBN, then he fake-praised Salman for his enormous fan following. Here's Salman, after having told by the Question Bank that he is intrinsically humble.

Arnab (ashamed while asking the cheap question): "If you, you know, went to US, then, what would you, i mean ... "
Salman (bursts in to laughter): "Ha ha ha ...". "See, i think this issue is an important lesson. It's no big deal. It happens everywhere. I used to wear shorts to avoid any rigorous checking. They check you when you are suited-up and "behave" like you are someone big and popular." .. said the "Wanted" star and brother of big and popular Arbaaz Khan and Sohail Khan
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Publicity Gimmick?.. Yes! .. but by whom?

30 minutes of Mumbai

On my way to office, i was listening to Lucky Ali's "Dekha hai aise bhi". Here's a snapshot of the scenes i saw "kisi ko aise hi" on the way, :

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1) The area between the rail tracks and the road, dangerous as it sounds. A water pipe emerging from somewhere out of the ground. A big line to get that questionable H2O. It was heartnening to see the harmony between them. The attire looked Maharashtriyan and they were all surprisingly jovial.

"Dil ke jharokon mein ab bhi mohabbat ke saaye hai"

2) A poster of the new Mahesh Manjrekar movie (in Marathi) on the wall separating the tracks and the road. In the poster, he has a finger pointing out towards you, much like the US Army poster calling for people saying "I Want You". "Me Shivajiraje Bhosale Boltoy" is the title and he plays a "conscience awakener".

"Barson ki doori ko milke hum saath mitayenge"

3) A mini-truck passes by on the road. It's the campaign for MNS chief. All i could see was a big poster on a wodden frame pasted in front of the truck. Mr. Raj Thackrey also points his finger in the poster towards you. Not sure if its "I Want You"

"Thoda sa garaz hai, thodi si samajh hai"
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Humara Kashmir | Kashmir, India and Indians

I was traveling from Mumbai to Kota last winters. It was around 11 pm and i got to the top berth to snore. At around 11:15, I heard some shouting. It was coming from the compartment right behind me. I looked back. A Punjabi lady, deadly looking and obviously armed, said "Lambi saans le beta, rab sab theek kar dega". She was standing on the floor with eyes closed and hands folded. Soon there were dozens of people around her.

I jumped down to find out what was going on. A guy was sick. He was having an attack, may be fits. He was dressed in white kurta-pajama and a white woven cap. He was a Muslim. I was very glad to see the supportive behavior, everyone was so sympathetic. People brought water, gave him feet massages and what not. He was fine in 10 minutes and thanking people for their kind gesture.

I went back snoring. But moments later the train stopped. It was between Surat and Baroda, somewhere in the jungle. Somebody had pulled chain. It seemed that the good will of dozens of people can't stop the mental hideousness of a few. I am pretty sure it was the fat fellow who kept staring at the luggage of the sick guy. The bag carried his name and 2 printed lines saying "Haj-Mumbai" and "Humara Kashmir". The bag had a very tightly packed cuboid box in it.

There had been a number of bomb attacks in the country recently. The fat fellow was murmuring something kashmiry and had built up a team of 4 guys, all filled with suspicion.

The Railway Jawan came and asked everyone to be quiet and go back to sleep. He spoke to the "detective" team and went away. Train started again but only to stop at Baroda. 5 Army soldiers rushed in. They asked the sick guy to come down and show them his bag. They mercilessly used a knife to tear his luggage apart. Not to anybody's surprise, it was a box of sweets.

Flaunting fake pride, the soldiers rushed out. The Byomkesh and company vanished magically in seconds. People helped him organize his luggage back. Filled with dubious feelings, he said "I bought this bag from Kashmir" and pointing towards the second printed line, he kept quiet ..

"Humara" Kashmir .. is it ? .. At least that's how we portray, read:

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Taken from: http://www.newscrux.com/2008/09/23/kashmir-humor/


An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath.’

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.’

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren’t there then.’

The Indian representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.’

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