Autorickshawsum

Mumbai auto rickshaw is like a rap song; Dirty, Dhinch & Up-front. It looks like a black pig with a light emitting nose, as "breathtaking" as Asthma. The body is invariably curvaceous, denty & torn. Interiors sport shiny CDs, national flag stickers and tattoos ranging from "Aum" to "786". The leg space is directly proportional to the length of your thigh bone. The proportionality constant, however, is 1. The best part is the multi-billion dollar patented suspension system which protects you from having weak joints. The driver of course is a rapper who rides the song.

Coming to the rappers. There are 2 categories: locals and UPBs (U.P & Bihar). I found that they are 2 completely different breed. The former is quiet, un-interested and flaunts pride and honesty; read 'all boring'. The latter breed is more like my kind of rapper. I love em. Recently, i got a chance to chat-up with a few of the UPBs and what's written below is meant for them.

UPBs have a moderate IQ. Their knowledge about people and relationships is solid. When they stop at signals or get stuck in traffic, they utilize time by cleaning the auto. They normally use sand with water to clean the mirror. However, tobacco with water is the best cleaning mixture!. Apparently, it avoids water drops sticking to the mirror.

They hate 2 things: BEST, their business rival and all women drivers. According to them, BEST is like nicotine, a life-taking lifeline. Women drivers give them obvious and plenty reasons to hate. A few of their everyday comments: "Who gives them the license?", "Look, she is checking herself out in the mirror", "Damn, she took turn opposite to her indicator" .. and so on. I think all men will Roger That. May be women tell you to go on the side where indicator is blinking, that's why it's called "indicator", for YOU!!.

I encountered a bindaas rapper recently who gave me a very entertaining company from Powai to Vile Parle. Slim, dark, long hairs and a heart & arrow tattoo on left hand. Waist was around 26, so was his age. He said being slim is cool among men of his league. Opposite goes for the throttle grip. The number of grips on the accelerator is a status quotient. The fatter it is, the duder the rapper. He had a peculiar style of sitting. The dimensions of the pilot seat were 2.5ft. X 1.5ft. He sat only on the leftmost 0.5 X 1.5, angling the lean body over his butt towards right. This is also a very popular way of sitting, he told, smiling shyly. I said Vile Parle. He pulled the lever. Swine flew!