Mar 30, 2009

Mumbai Heat

You are stranded on the road waiting for taxi/auto/bus at 10 am (yes, 10 am !) in Mumbai. You won't get any of those. What you get instead is a smart, nonvolatile and maneuvering drop of sweat, just behind the right ear.

There is something terrible about the Mumbai heat. I am a Rajasthani and I have never been so uncomfortable, even with 45 degrees there. The heat here penetrates, actually hurts you, somewhere inside, even at 35 degrees. It feels like it uses some medium to go deep, deep inside you. What's the reason?

Based on my limited knowledge of science, I think the culprit is humidity (pretty obvious though). Our body sweats to cool down. Cooling happens when sweat evaporates, taking body heat away. But evaporation gets limited when humidity is high. So you sweat in Mumbai, but it isn't going to evaporate. You are hot, wet and stranded at 10 am ... yes, 10 am !!

PS: Based on 1000 true stories :D

Mar 25, 2009

Humara Kashmir | Kashmir, India and Indians

I was traveling from Mumbai to Kota last winters. It was around 11 pm and i got to the top berth to snore. At around 11:15, I heard some shouting. It was coming from the compartment right behind me. I looked back. A Punjabi lady, deadly looking and obviously armed, said "Lambi saans le beta, rab sab theek kar dega". She was standing on the floor with eyes closed and hands folded. Soon there were dozens of people around her.

I jumped down to find out what was going on. A guy was sick. He was having an attack, may be fits. He was dressed in white kurta-pajama and a white woven cap. He was a Muslim. I was very glad to see the supportive behavior, everyone was so sympathetic. People brought water, gave him feet massages and what not. He was fine in 10 minutes and thanking people for their kind gesture.

I went back snoring. But moments later the train stopped. It was between Surat and Baroda, somewhere in the jungle. Somebody had pulled chain. It seemed that the good will of dozens of people can't stop the mental hideousness of a few. I am pretty sure it was the fat fellow who kept staring at the luggage of the sick guy. The bag carried his name and 2 printed lines saying "Haj-Mumbai" and "Humara Kashmir". The bag had a very tightly packed cuboid box in it.

There had been a number of bomb attacks in the country recently. The fat fellow was murmuring something kashmiry and had built up a team of 4 guys, all filled with suspicion.

The Railway Jawan came and asked everyone to be quiet and go back to sleep. He spoke to the "detective" team and went away. Train started again but only to stop at Baroda. 5 Army soldiers rushed in. They asked the sick guy to come down and show them his bag. They mercilessly used a knife to tear his luggage apart. Not to anybody's surprise, it was a box of sweets.

Flaunting fake pride, the soldiers rushed out. The Byomkesh and company vanished magically in seconds. People helped him organize his luggage back. Filled with dubious feelings, he said "I bought this bag from Kashmir" and pointing towards the second printed line, he kept quiet ..

"Humara" Kashmir .. is it ? .. At least that's how we portray, read:


Taken from:

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath.’

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.’

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren’t there then.’

The Indian representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.’


Mar 10, 2009

Filmy - Part 1

I came to know that Nauheed Cyrusi lives nearby ! - that's why they say it's a small world. Given the background, i am in a little filmy mood, so writing down things randomly:

Talking about Indian actresses, do u remember the days when Karishma Kapoor had a single eyebrow, Shilpa Shetty wore Cheetahs, Madhuri romanced the trees and Raveena smiled for no reasons ?

Well, over time they realized that this self-styled way of portrayal is not a long-term business. To make an impact, you've got to change. Karishma plucked her eyebrow and we got Fiza, Shakti et al. Shilpa wore sarees and bikinis and is doing TV, IPL, item songs and what not. Madhuri did some serious roles. She sizzled in Devdas and over-shadowed Aishwarya in every department. For some reasons, Raveena kept smiling. She never actually made an impact and therefore didn't stay for long

The rule seems to be: you don't stay longer if you don't change your image. Sounds like an alert for the over-rated Bipasha Basu. On the other hand, we have a pathetic example of change: Gracy Singh. For more info, watch Desh Drohi.


On the other hand, something is terribly wrong with Bollywood. I liked Namrata Shirodkar, she got married. I loved Gayatri Joshi, she also tied the knot. Of the four names i mentioned earlier, three are married (read retired). Why in heavens name do 'good actresses/ good looking actresses' get married ?

In some cases it is to cash upon the hype. You get one hit movie and you get a rich businessman husband. Look at Gayatri Joshi and Tara Sharma. Both of them cashed in on the success of Swades and Khosla respectively. Now you can find them on Page3 doing a shopping spree at Hilton.

In other cases, it's just the age. Not that they don't get businessmen, but the happening lot of the latter prefer the younger ones :)


To be continued ..