Jun 19, 2009

Drink, Drive and Bribe | Mumbai traffic police & bribes

What does it take to drive a bike? You buy a bike. You have to have driving license, bike papers, insurance and PUC. You have to follow the rules of the road. All these are good ol' norms; now, you can't be drunk.

You will get the papers and insurance done easily as the private bike shop owner helps. You will get the PUC done easily for a bare minimum; again at a private shop.

What about the driving license? The time taking Sarkari procedure makes you want to kill yourself. The Indian Sarkari Babu is always "high" on his low self-esteem. He puts a finger in his ear to mutely let you know that he is not bothered. He ignores you and treats you like a dog.
But, you have to get things done, You bribe.

What about following the rules of the road? The Thullas will catch you one fine day. Then, they take your bike keys, ignore you and move away. You follow them like a dog and ask what have you done wrong. You say 'i have papers and driving license' shit. He says one of these ..

1) its one-way
2) no u-turn
3) you are speeding
4) your rear view mirror?
5) it's diwali

.. and you are done. Sadly, you find out that many of them are drunk, enjoying a mid-day high. You call them "Sir".......... but still, to get away with things, You bribe.

Wondering about the 5th point? They normally don't steal from you for such an absurd reason. But, it's Diwali. It's one of the days when even Thullas have to bribe. They have to buy silver coins, to bribe god. How can then, they leave you without a bribe, reason or no reason?

We treat God with nicest sweets, silver coins, coconuts and what not. We call it religion and worship. The truth is that we have developed bribing as a habit of getting things done or getting away with things. We bribe god for our prosperity, health and happiness.

Bribing god at home is a joy. We happily offer all the pricey stuff to them because it's the only form of bribe which actually remains with us
. It's like we give them the smell of food & feel of money and then take everything back. A dream bribe !

Do we ever pray or worship in good times? If yes, do we bribe or is it just a fold of hands? It's got to be just a fold of hands. If its a bribe, we do it at home. We won't bribe God at a temple, unless we are in deep shit or want something badly. Courtesy: Indian Govt.

Anyways, coming back to the point. You don't have a problem giving bribes to Babus and Thullas. It's actually one of the best things about India. You do what you want and get away with 50 Rs. Pretty cool, ain't it? It's like the government has struck a deal with its citizens .. "we will get high, on alcohol or on low self-esteem; we will ignore you, your carelessness and flaws. You just have to pay for the cheap "high". Win-win situation"

All fine till now, but ..
6) you smell !

A flash sign board in Mumbai says "2000 people sent to jail for drunk driving in last 2 months". Why? What happened to the deal Govt.? Is this "rule" so strict that one of you may lose job for taking bribe or for arresting less no. of people? Do you have to show less accident figures to somebody? Will you get more funds after showing these figures? If you can drive a huge country on a high, why can't the citizens also drink and drive .. a tiny vehicle?

... you show teeth, we grind teeth, it's perfect. Let's not bring law and order in place .. please ! .. let the "rule" be there, just accept the bribes, Sir ! ...



Mohit said...

Haha who was it this time ?

Vinay said...

no dude .. there wasn't anyone .. just buggered up enough by their behavior, so wrote.

and FYI, at Mumbai airport they don't check if u have weapons but they do check your bike papers .. so don't forget to take your bike papers along with magnum :)

http://whysoserioustoday.blogspot.com said...

very thoughtful
man ur r pissed wid them haha aren't u ...
and btw I wana follow ur blog bt theres no option
wat to do ? :(