The Observatory

Composition

2012-02-11T05:48:00.001-08:00

"What's the central thought, what did he tell you?", asked Irshad

"The character wants to follow his dreams but the situations are always complex; emotionally. When he decides to listen to his heart, life ahead looks more difficult. He wants to be free now. Free like a bird. Fly. Like a bird.", said Dileep

"Hmm .. the journey has to have some uncarved and abrupt elements then, it can not be beautiful or swift", said Irshad.

"I don't know, let's figure that out.", said Dileep.

Irshad and Dileep are composing a song at 6:30am on a breezy cold morning. Holding a cup of hot coffee in his hand, Dileep opens up the window:

The Sun is yet to rise. The view from the window has a depth of many kilometers. The city life is slowly making itself visible in bits and pieces. The snapshot from the window tells you a story - a story of how the city gears up for the day. The noise, the tranquility. The concrete, the people. The tar, the greens.

And the birds.

"Sparrow is definitely 'the common man', isn't it? Flaps its wings all the time, keeps working and is programmed not to relax or reflect.", asked Dileep.

"Yeah. It is important although. Everybody is important", said Irshad.

"I know that. Just wanted your opinion ... look at that Vulture - very different from other birds, isn't it?", said Dileep.

"Yes. Too dispassionate to pull off a Rockstar although", said Irshad.

"Hmm .. Pigeon looks like a mix. Looks unsettled like sparrows but flaps less like Vultures .. did you ever notice that it turns its neck in quantums. May be it looks at the world differently than the other birds", said Dileep.

"Good quality for a Rockstar; you think?", asked Irshad.

"Pigeon .. hmm .. can't be .. just looking at the world differently is not enough. It's life looks fair and simple enough. The situations must force the Rockstar to fly. Fly far. Again and again and again", said Dileep.

Just then, an Albatross flew from double the height the Vulture was flying at. Irshad turned towards Dileep as the latter kept staring at it till it vanished from the field of view.

"You got your Rockstar? Didn't you?", asked Irshad Kamil.

"We did", said Dileep Kumar (popularly known as A.R.Rahman). "Also, we were wrong. The journey need not be abrupt, it can be beautiful and swift", he said.

"But why did you have to find a bird?", asked Irshad Kamil.

"There isn't any true Rockstar in India, and there can not possibly be one. Who do i go to and get a feel of the journey from?", said Rahman.

http://bit.ly/sBg36v

"Let's start the song with the soul taking off and starting to soar. We'll bring in the protagonist centric lyrics later to put the song in context of the movie", said Rahman.

http://bit.ly/vBQ5NR

-x-

Lessons from life

2011-11-30T22:17:00.001-08:00

It was a hot and humid day in Mumbai and Heena was heading off to work. She boarded the morning local for work and stood at a spot under the fan. "Good morning, It's not working", said a smiling fellow lady passenger. Heena got annoyed by the "Good morning" part and chose to ignore the lady.

The train halted at the next station. A guy jumped in to Heena's bogie. Before the women could revolt, he turned the fan on and jumped out. All he did was hit the fan blade with his pen. Before jumping out, he stared at Heena and said "works every time". He looked back and she smiled at him.

She got off the train at the last station. On the platform, a kid (beggar) started tapping her knee, asking for money to be placed on his palm. She ignored initially but gets frustrated as the kid refused to let go. Before she could shout on the kid, a guy came from behind and gave the kid a biscuit packet. "Hi, i'm Vikram. I am the reason you are not sweating at the moment"

Heena: "Oh! Yes. How come you are.."

Vikram: "Well, i thought i impressed you with the fan trick. So i boarded the train and kept looking for where you would get down. You know, in such situations, chances are that i would end up asking the girl out for coffee and she would not say no", Vikram said.

Heena: "Ha ha. You know, i don't know how to tackle these beggars"

Vikram: "Tackle is a wrong word. Say face. Tea?"

Heena: "So how come you had a biscuit packet with you"

Vikram: "I have lots. I carry the Rs 2 Parle-G packets with me all the time. It helps me face the beggars. I don't want to give them money and also don't want to use my judgment in choosing which beggars to help out. Actually, it's easier for girls to practice this, you all carry bags with you, right? .. So, do you like Tea and Parle-G?"

Heena: "I do, but no. And hey, thanks for tips"

Vikram: "No problem, these fans will help me someday, for sure". He winked and left.

Heena ended up having a good start to the hot day. She started walking to the office and kept thinking about the guy and his tips & tricks. She stopped at a small shop to buy a cigarette. The vendor denied having change for Rs 10. She happily picked up 2 packets of the small Parle-G instead of the change.

The 2 packets got exhausted on the same day but Heena liked the feeling that she wasn't ignoring or tackling the beggars anymore. "Simple yet profound thought", she felt. She started practicing this habit and also told her friends about it.

-x-

A few months later, Heena was travelling to her native place which was a few hours of train journey from Mumbai. She placed her luggage below her berth in the train and went out to roam at the platform for some time. She had her iPod on and waited at the platform for the green signal.

She shuffled upon the playlist to listen to her favorite song "Sweet child o'mine".

"She's got a smile that it seems to me ..

Just then, a little girl came and tapped on her knee with a steel glass. Heena was surprised at the timing. She looked at the smiling little girl - blue eyes, fair, a tattered t-shirt, a dirty pant with pockets hanging out and brown dusty hair. The black tear marks on her cheeks made Heena feel pity. She checked her bag. Thankfully, one biscuit packet was there. She offered the packet to the little girl.

One hanging pocket went back in.

The little girl raised her glass to tap again but Heena turned towards a small shop to buy a water bottle. "Fifteen Rupees", said the shop owner. "It says twelve on the bottle", said Heena. "And I say fifteen", replied the shop owner without any change in his expressions. She took the headphones out of her ears and started arguing.

The little girl kept following Heena. She started tapping on her knee again. Heena looked at her and told the shop owner "Look, i do not have biscuits left in my bag .. you better give me one packet .. i want to give it to this beggar .. you will still save one rupee". The shop owner gave up and handed over one packet to Heena.

The green signal was given and the train honked. As the train was about to leave in a few seconds, Heena gave the packet to the little girl and rushed. She went inside the train, opened up her water bottle and looked at the little girl from her window. Both pockets were in now. Heena smiled. The little girl, however, had confused expressions on her face.

Heena put the headphones back to her ears. Her favorite song was nearing its end. She took a gulp of water and placed her bag on the seat. The train began to move.

When she looked outside again, her eyes widened. As the train started moving slowly, she kept staring through her window -

The water tap on the platform was at a certain height. The shop owner was filling water in the little girl's steel glass. The little girl took the water to her father, a crippled boot polisher, who worked at the station platform. She wasn't a beggar.

A tear maneuvered through Heena's cheek, depositing the black mascara on its sides, leaving a black tear mark. A permanent one.

.. where do we go now?" .. the song ended.

-x-

Mama, I'm coming home

2011-11-04T13:39:00.001-07:00

The mid-term college break is on and Vikram is on his way back to his hometown. The train is about to reach the station which is at the end of the town. Vikram loves the last few minutes of this journey as he signs out of Facebook, shuts his laptop and stares through his Side Lower seat window.

It's drizzling outside. He observes the hometown run past his eyes. The scenes amuse him -

Poor people in huts near the railway tracks waving at his black window, hoping there is someone inside waving back.

A girl carrying on her head an earthen water pot. Visible behind her is the sex doctor advert at a distant wall.

A chameleon looking up to the rainbow in the sky, wondering if it could adapt by seeing.

A number of factories at the cheap outskirt land. The homeless yet costly outskirt land.

He found one of the scenes very intriguing - a group of children playing cricket. He has seen children play cricket before. From a moving train, although, it looked different and profound, as if the moment carries hidden emotions and beauty, which is not observable otherwise. "Which is a more appropriate phrase - 'Point of View' or 'Position of View'", he thought.

It is the feel of such phenomenon that makes Vikram take a tour inside his brain. Time stops and his stoned eyes are flooded with flashes from memory which could prove relevant in deciphering the phenomenon.

The train arrives at station and the crowd rush breaks his thought process. He packs his luggage, gets out of the station, stops a cab, opens the cab door, sits inside, opens the laptop and signs in to Facebook. He then watches a video shared by many of his friends -

"Sir, zindagi mein bahut haar ka saamna kiya hai, toh confidence kam ho gaya hai", says Sushil Kumar (a computer operator and an IAS aspirant from Bihar) while chatting with Amitabh Bacchan. Sushil then went on to become the first person to win 5 crores at KBC.

Vikram liked the video. He scrolled down to check more videos and updates from friends. "Mama, I'm coming home", he updated his own status while logging out.

Vikram has never heard this song. He has just seen his friends put up this status before they go home. So he thought it would be cool to do the same. It helps him feed to the personality he thinks he has among his peers.

Vikram is scared to express what he feels. He does what others do. His thoughts are no good, he is taught by the dominating plastic world. In return, there's a writer the living world left unnoticed.

Sushil Kumar, on the other hand, was courageous and went through the trouble of getting a shot at the KBC Hotseat. He was down on confidence but not on faith.

If only Vikram had liked the video for the message it actually carried.

Have faith, Mama's boy. Be yourself!

Bunty aur Bablu

2011-06-14T09:10:00.001-07:00

Bunty starts his day with Ramdev Baba style belly dancing yoga. He has been doing it for the last few days. As a result, his vital stats have now receded to 40-50-60. Because of the respectable 40, he uses a small mirror while brushing his teeth, so he only gets to see what's above his shoulder. The mirror is placed at the balcony on the first floor of his house. He stays at the first floor so he could catch hold of some juicy stems from the Neem tree growing in front of his house, for brushing his teeth. He rents the ground floor to a Syndicate bank branch.

Syndicate bank's logo is the longest a dog has ever lived on earth. Neighbors relate the dog to Bablu, the old watchman of this thoroughly faithful bank. Bablu has been working for a whopping 64 years as a watchman of this branch of Syndicate bank. Bablu was the one who planted the Neem when he joined the bank. He has watered it for 64 years. He loves to rest under the big tree. From the past few days although, he prefers to stay away from the tree. He wants to avoid the medicinal spits and the mermaidising belly dance show going on on the first floor.

Bunty thinks he owns the bank because he sublets the ground floor to it. He loves the ATM of the bank the most. It gives him money whenever he wants and there's free air conditioning which comes in handy too. Bablu gets tired everyday as Bunty visits the ATM every time he feels hot or when he needs money, which is a lot of times. He always expects Bablu to come and open the gate for him. Bablu believes that while most of the people go in to the bank to deposit money, Bunty only visits the ATM, to withdraw. What he can't think of, is where Bunty deposits his money.

Bablu has seen a lot of ATMs in the city which don't work effectively. He believes that a watchman needs to be proactive and hard working for smooth functioning of an ATM. Earlier today, he thought all his efforts of maintaining the ATM result in only one man's joy, who he hates. Enough is enough, he realized. He took a cardboard and hung it on the ATM machine. He wrote over it what he saw in most of the city ATMs - "Machine kharaab hai". Bunty came down in a while and stormed out of the ATM red-faced because of this dis-service from the bank he owns.

Bablu was not sad about being unethical to his dearest bank. Sitting under the Neem, he reflected on what he did, with open eyes, for a long time.

He is now packing his bags and heading towards Delhi, where he is going to join Anna Hazare. For he wants to know where Bunty deposits his money, for he wants to question the small mirror, for he wants to take the revenge of the spits, and more so, for the sake of the sweaty 64 years he contributed in growing the tree, silently, since 1947.

For he is the face of the common man who now gets to see the reality at the first floor.

-x-

The Time-Travel Airlines

2010-12-27T12:45:00.001-08:00

"The environs are aesthetic and it’s a cool place to work" - this is what prompted Rajeev to opt for a job at the Mumbai airport. Lately, he has been questioning the worth of his job. "Am I really creating any value?", he thought. Giving boarding passes & allotting seats isn't too productive, he felt.

He is a well read person with a keen interest in general knowledge and politics. Rajeev has the habit of reading life journeys of successful people. He has been a big fan of Nandan Nilekani among the other corporate honchos and Dr. B. R. Ambedkar among the political heroes.

He stayed positive and tried to be aware of his daily chores to figure some worth out. One day, an idea struck him. It made him realize that he can be a perfect Puppet Master! That he can produce conversations that otherwise would be left to chances.

He can make a Muslim sit next to a Brahmin, a Priest next to a Model and a 5 year old next to a rock star. He tried this for a while and just imagined the possible discussions which might have happened in the flight. Like he made Mr. Ajay Joshi and Mr. Ashraf Khan sit next to each other and wished that they would constructively discuss about the religion and caste systems in India. The conversations happened, but however interesting they might have been, they could not reach him.

The idea, however, took a safe place in his mind.

Sleeping one night, he had a weird dream. He worked for the Time-Travel airlines, which sends people in the past to revisit their life. The good part of this dream is that the conversations did reach him, or rather, came through him.

Mr. Nilekani, appeared as a passenger in Rajeev's dream. Mr. Nandan Nilekani (Born 1955) approaches Rajeev to collect the boarding pass of a long flight, going in to the past, from 2010 to 1955. The flight took off. Jon Stewart met Nilekani (in 2009) to discuss about the talk show episode; Dr. Abdul Kalam met in 2006, who congratulated him for the Padma Bhushan feat. Narayan Murthy appeared and appointed him as the CEO of Infosys. Then Nilekani, in his young avatar, received his degree from the then Director of IIT Bombay.

All these conversations were flashes of Nilekani's important milestones of life. But, it was actually Rajeev's knowledge about Nilekani's life history that cobbled up as a dream. The dream till this point was not left to imaginative interpretations, except for an anonymous IIT Director who appeared as a 60 year old, fat, mid-sized man.

The idea kept at the safe place sparked at last. Rajeev made Dr. B.R. Ambedkar sit next to Nilekani.

Dr. B.R. Ambedkar appeared in 1956, an year before Nilekani had to off board the flight. Ambedkar (1891-1956) was not looking well. He held the 1 year old Nilekani in his arms. He looked in to Nilekani's eyes and said "My work involved law making and policy formations. Such vital decisions are taken according to specific time frames. These decision don't hold true forever. Even Gandhi believed in this idea. I know that people will remember me for establishing caste reservations, but i do not want people to be remembered for their castes, not in the India i imagine. Don’t allow the future politicians to use caste reservation for politics, and certainly not for anything that could be a threat to the identity of a united India.”

Rajeev woke up and kept thinking about what Dr. Ambedkar said in the dream. A few days later, he had another dream. Nilekani appeared again as a passenger of the Time-Travel airlines. Only in this case, the flight was travelling to the future.

The flight took off in 2010. In 2011, Dr. Manmohan Singh congratulated Nilekani for the successful completion of the UID project. In 2012, Rajeev made Ajay Joshi and Ashraf Khan sit next to Nilekani. They took out their Unique Identity Cards and told Nilekani - "Sir, can you please get rid of this "Caste" section from our identity!"

-x-

Kalmadi's Law

2010-09-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

If you are appearing for IAS interviews, there is a good probability that you will be asked this question: "What will you do if you are offered a bribe?". If you prepared for IAS from any coaching class in Delhi, there is a good probability that you will give this answer: "There are 2 types of corruption, need-based and greed-based. I will refrain from both. If the situation is complex, i will make sure it's not greed"

If my children ask me this question, i'll say refrain, but if you do, do it like Lalit Modi. Modi wears a defamation suit, but he flaunts it at the night parties on his yacht. On the other side, after all this money laundering, Kalmadi still wears a red t-shirt (with cream lines) and elastics on the half-sleeves. I have a feeling that all the corruption happened under his nose, but he's got nothing!

I have observed a lot of failed personalities. People hate them for what they did wrong. The same people also admired them and made them personalities in the first place. Kalmadi has no such preface to himself, which makes him the worst losers of all. He is not a leader and not even close to being smart.

India Media couldn't fathom Kalmadi's visionary insights. They made a lot of fuss about the purchases done for the CWG village. Rs 4000 was paid per umbrella/shade. Kalmadi had a "green" agenda behind it. Looking at the CWG village toilet pictures, one is bound to attend the call of nature in it's serenity. With over showering clouds of Delhi, the big shades will help the athletes attend the call without getting wet; and it's Green too, ain't it?

Murphy's spirit is wandering in the CWG village these days, smiling at the snake, the stray dogs and the man who walked on the roof! But Kalmadi has gone beyond the Murphy's law. He has coined a new law: "Everything than can go right, will go wrong." He has not only coined it, but also proved it at an organizational level.

Every one (including the Prime Minister) has tortured the man so much that he is being over-cautious these days when it comes to a possibility of goof-up. In his toilet, he has pasted a fresh notice:

Gentlemen will lift the seat before use

Ladies will lift the seat after use

Just to be sure

- By Order

-x-

L.E.D TV Ad

2010-09-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

In a white body-fit costume, she dances with a pattern, in a style not known to many. The music is slow with a soothing treble. She makes waves with the hands and the body. She doesn't move from where she stood but does take turns. The room is dark, the floor is white and the walls are that of some shiny crystal.

She looks elegant and suave. With a distinguished jaw-line, green eyes and a sharp nose, she conveys a lot, even without any facial expressions. The dance patterns are designed to convey a message.

She revolves on the toe-tip, squints her eyes and extends her hands towards a white table. She waves her palm towards a candle placed on top of the table. It lights up! In the dark room, a ray of light from the candle passes through a prism and colors scatter through it. It happens in a split-second but is observed slowly. She dances around and waves her palm as she swiftly lights up hundreds of candles in a few seconds with her magical sleight of hand. The crystal walls are made of prisms too, they produce a color carnival outside.

From a green landscape outside, an 8 year old girl looks at the wall. Her pupils dilate. With dropped jaws, she stares admirably at the spectacle. Through a window on the wall, she sees the candle. The view from behind her zooms out. The music builds up. The wall converts in to a rectangular TV screen. The candle morphs in to the TV's power button.

The music changes and the line reads - It loves your eyes. Return the favor! ..

-x-

PS: The dancer represents the company. The dance represents the research. The candle represents the technology. The prism wall, of course, represents the L.E.D Tv.

Bhavnagar ka Kung Fu Panda

2010-08-07T02:01:00.000-07:00

Pidilite industries have a Science Center at Bhavnagar. I recently went there officially to introduce Robotics at their Center. Everything went well. It was Sunday and the day went in a complete formal way, unlike any of my other Sundays. I was planning to leave. But God is kind. They introduced me to the local cable channel guy and the day took a sudden turn.

He took 5 stair steps to come and greet me. Fighting for breath after this physical assault he says "Vinay bhai let's go to the Studio". "The Studio is at the 3rd floor, you go and make yourself comfortable, I will take sometime reaching up", said the 5' 5", Fat, Chatterbox Kung Fu Panda.

Camera and Cameraman were in place. I waited for 10 minutes. Panda came and exhaled volumes of air. The AC sensed the temperature difference, beeped and turned on the compressor. He was seeing spots and needed time to settle down. I waited for 5 more minutes. He stood up, closed the door and switched off the fans. Fine, he's canceling the external sound before shooting, i thought.

After this point, whatever happened made my feelings hover in a 3-D space. The parameters being Fear, Frustration and Fun. All Fs.

(1,0,0): He started unbuttoning his shirt. The cameraman started smiling at me. That can't be fine, this place is perfectly set for any kind of shoot, i thought. I feared for the 4th possible F parameter. The cameraman sensed the 1 i assigned to Fear and pointed towards a polythene bag. It was a bright blood red shirt. Oh! The Interview Shirt, he's just changing, i thought. This was my turn to make the AC beep. People exhale after mental assaults too!

(0,1,0): In that red shirt, he looked like the imaginary son of Bappi Lahiri and Jayalalitha. With that get-up, he gave me some facing-the-camera and vocab tips. The tips vividly reminded me of Tusshar Kapoor and Inzamam-ul-haq respectively. So now, after the Whistling Woods training, the interview started. He asked me to keep a robot in hand and shot the first question: "Is this a new kind of laptop computer?" Stumped, i decided not to answer his questions and somehow convey about the company and its work. Apparently this program features in the local cable channel and people do watch it !

(0,0,1): So the interview went like a 2nd standard kid blurting the table of 2 when asked the value of square root of 2. One has got to say what one wants to say! In this case it didn't even matter as his only reply to my any answer was "arey Vinay bhai, kya baat boli hai". He stopped the camera thrice during the interview as i kept hiding my smile by scratching my nose. Each time, he gave me more tips. I then vividly remembered the likes of Kamaal Khan, Dabboo Malik, Rajiv Shukla and Arun Lal. Then i got my chance. Panda made a weird face. I couldn't figure if he was trying to sneeze or yawn or cough. Half of his face was normal and the other half looked like that of a desperate bull looking out for party cows. I grabbed the opportunity bull horns with both hands and stopped the camera. Got a kick, trust me, i wanted to do that too to the Panda. The Bull-Panda kicked me back with the bloody horns: "arey Vinay bhai kya baat kar rahe ho .. mera camera facing side thode kharaab tha .. main peeche wale side se hi cheenk leta"
I laughed majestic-fanatic-gigantic-ally !!!

-x-

The so-called Gods

2010-07-07T21:28:00.001-07:00

Middle class small town homes witness a lot of guests. The Mishras represent a generic set of hosts. The family: Housewife Mummy, Generous Papa, The 90% Chotu and the leader Pinki

It’s evening tea time at the Mishra’s and a 1989 Bajaj Chetak is feared to appear. The Maharana Pratap rides along and sitting behind on the saddle are his wife and 3 daughters. He is about to take the last turn for the Mishra Nivas. He pushes the 3 mm diameter horn and pulls the throttle simultaneously. It’s like whipping the horse while pulling the strings. This groovy mix results in a high pitch horse neigh, which signifies Chetak. The droopy buffalo around the corner moves an ear as a gesture of irrelevant recognition.

Pratap grooves it up 2 more times so Mishras shouldn’t be in for a surprise. Mummy cracks the code and adds more water for 5 extra cups of tea. She pours the water and grunts her teeth. Tired from the daily chores, she exhales and rightly predicts Pratap’s first words - “Arey bhabhiji, 5 cup aur .. ha ha ha”. Chotu throws his chess board and rushes downstairs with his latest report card. Pinki vanishes with the 3 daughters without saying a word to Pratap and wife. Papa hugs Pratap and says “aap hi ko yaad kar rahe they”. Wife delivers the fake Aishwarya laugh yet again. Mummy exhales yet again. Visitors are Gods, they say, she can’t ask them not to come.

Then begins the conversation. Pratap complements Papa for his kindness and warm heart. He praises Mummy for the excellent tea. He shows pride over smart Chotu and able Pinki. He then talks about a spectrum of personalities varying from Ram Dev Baba to Obama. Although, he always ends up talking about money. He helps Papa invest. He has been helping for years now. He is a Bank Manager, which Papa knows and he works part time as an investment agent, which is a secret.

But Mummy knows everything. She knows why Papa is being praised. She knows that the Maharana Pratap would want to come again for some reason and will compliment even better next time. She knows that Papa is unaware - It’s a duty, a part of their life to get a stamp of goodness and character from him. She knows that Mishras are emotional fools.

She knows that Manmohan Singh has a balanced head and heart. She also knows that Pranab will show a good report card and that Chidambaram will lead smart. But she just understood why Obama praises Manmohan Singh each time there’s an Indian journalist around. She has now learnt that majority of Indians are also emotional fools - that they go gaga on such praises. Not all visitors are Gods, she knows!

MS Dhoni

2010-05-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

I had been a fluctuating fan of Saurav Ganguly till the curve went -ve a few years back. Then came a rustic man with long dry hairs. Since then, my graph of fannature is as straight as that of a dead man's heart beat. Lately, the ECG instrument has only tilted up - the graph is now straight and rising, no ups and downs!

I am talking about the cricket captains that India and I have witnessed and I am completely biased towards MS. He is a visionary, a strategist and an executor. While others plant trees, he plants seeds; which is correct both linguistically and symbolically!

In tense situations Azhar chewed, Sachin screwed and Dada threw. MS likes it tense, that's his comfort zone. Many cynics say he is lucky. And then when Harbhajan pulls for a six at third man, they say that luck favors the brave.

I saw him in action a few days back. I was fortunate to get a seat at the IPL Final. It was Mumbai Indians vs Chennai Super Kings and Sachin vs MS. MI was down and Pollard came to the rescue. He hit some sixes.

The man has got strings inside his gloves. The other 10 on the field are wire-lessly controlled by each of his 10 fingers. MS moved Hayden to mid-off. Haydos smiled and said hello to his confused team mate at long off. MS laid the trap, Haydos took the catch & Pollard was off to Caribbean. This was a first of its kind, marvelously rare tactic.

At the presentation ceremony, Ravi Shastri was dying to discuss this move with MS. MS responds: "No rocket science, the big hitters of the world don't play sweep or reverse sweep shots! .. why waste fielders at those positions. I had tried this on Hayden himself at some of the practice matches and it works"

Now just observe this:

At the closing ceremony, Sachin said nice things about the crowd & MI's performance in IPL-3, specially mentioned about Pollard & Tiwary and congratulated CSK for their deserving win.

MS said nice things about the crowd & CSK's performance in IPL-3, specially mentioned about Raina and Ashwin and congratulated Sachin for his performance. Then he talked about the upcoming T20 World Cup. He said that the IPL is getting bigger and bigger and that the office bearers have to raise the benchmarks every consecutive year. Finally, he mentioned that the CSK team will change in the next IPL auction so he will miss being with the same team ..

.. BIG picture, always - Mahendra Singh Dhoni, for you!

-x-

DD National and The Better God

2010-03-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

Weary eyes were overpowering my will to go for the TV remote, lying 1 meter away from me. I picked the remote after it struck me that the one day match between India and South Africa was to take place that day - Feb 24.

I browsed through the channels in RGV horror movies style. My eyes were looking for some blue amidst green and my ears were anticipating the great Indian uproar/some child plan ad. After a while, i succeeded. My eyes automatically went to the top left corner for the score. The weary eyes doubled in size and luminosity after a glance at the score. I raised the volume to enjoy the uproar. Indians produce this Jungle music when Sachin, in his nineties, takes a single. Just then i heard the word "Khuda-na-khasta".

My heart beat went down. It was some Hindi-Urdu commentary on the platter and the dialect was straight from the Mughal era. With complete disbelief in the idea of entertainment i looked at the top right corner of the TV. There it was - the hallucinating logo of DD National. DD stands for Door-Darshan, which in Hindi means something metaphorically close to hallucination! I sunk in to the logo for a second before my consciousness revived back to self-consciousness.

So i browsed again, this time not for the blue-green and the uproar, but for the correct logo (Neo Sports) on the top right corner. Sadly, NEO Sports was not there. I came back to DD and out of disgust threw the remote 10 meters away. I decided to try and focus more on the uproar than on the commentary. Here are some excerpts as a proof of my intrinsic disgust:

1. On Sachin approaching 100, given that his total no. of centuries in Tests+One Days were also approaching 100: "Shatkon ka shatak lagane ke liye apne aaj ke shatak ki taraf badhte shatakveer Sachin. Jaise hum roz chai peete hain, ye shatak lagate hain"
2. On Kallis, after he bowls a slower delivery: "Lagta hai Kallis DD National ki commentary sun rahe hain. Maine abhi kaha ki ye slow bowl acchi dalte hain aur inhone daal di"
3. On a pending 3rd umpire decision on Sachin for a run-out when he was on 157: "Person1: 'Poora hindustan pareshani mein hai - aap bhi lag rahe hain - apne pair kyun hila rahe hain' .. Person2: 'Aji pair kya cheez hai - jab Sachin musibat mein hote hain toh sab kuch hil jata hai!' "

Sachin was now in 190s. The commentator had started shouting his lungs out. Urdu was now impossible to decipher. Hindi turned into Sanskrit. Mughal era became the Mahabharata era. I pitied on the wet mic. I now realized why they never show the commentator's face on DD National.

I couldn't take it now. My ears were bleeding. I felt like sitting at the Hard Rock Cafe with a 70's Transistor on full volume. I hated God for the situation i was in, but it was the magical Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar displaying his masterclass, for whom it was all worth it. He took the final run, reached 200, raised his bat for one more time and looked at the sky for one more time. Only this time he asked God, "Howzzat?".

For a moment, i didn't listen to the public uproar or the screaming commentator because he stood there - The Better God, asking all my neurons to focus on signals from him, which unfortunately were only the visuals ! ..

The Accident of Life

2010-02-06T10:37:00.001-08:00

Scene A

"But i have been saving for SX4 for the last 2 years", shouted Aman, at his wife Asha. She wanted a Fiat Linea. After heated arguments for 2 months on which car to buy, he had no option but to give her a surprise gift of SX4. A surprise that wasn't, that too on a Sunday. To cool her down he gave her another surprise: "Look i have got "Asha" printed on the Car"

He got his return-gift as follows: "I told you to buy me a Linea", "So what if i don't drive", "AND you got the Black model, I was hoping you would at least go for White", "Ya, but at least the color would have made me a little happy", "Shut up!, that's just my name printed in White", "Now don't request me to not cry", "No you don't care for me", "No, you don't love me", "I hate you", "You are not a MAN" .. "Enjoy your Upma"

It's Monday and Aman ate his favorite breakfast Upma at a South Indian joint nearby. This has happened a lot of times before. Every fight costs him one week of Upma and a non-surprising Gift.

"Gahh, forget it .. i love my car". He drove out of the joint and headed for the flyover loaded with Traffic ..

Scene B

Chaman bought a dude brass horn (the ones in BEST buses) for his auto. He was now a hero among his fellows. "How much did it cost you", asked his friend. "8000 Rupeeees!!", he exclaimed. Chaman explained: "You see! when i blow this, people think it's the killer BEST bus coming from behind and they give me side". "This way, i can move faster in traffic. So technically, i can earn more .. 8000 is just a matter of a few months .. after that i'll reap profits".

The hero became the villain at home. "You didn't pay for his school fee and got this?", "I don't care what your friends think, i live under a flyover with a man who spends 8000 on a horn", "You could have gotten me an anklet", "That ring was last year", "You could have at least chosen some other color", "I don't care if this is the only color of Brass", "Ya, but at least the color would have made me a little happy", "No, i am not crying", "No you don't care for me", "No, you don't love me", "I hate you", "You are not a MAN" .. "Enjoy your Vada-Pav for 'Sunday special'"

Chaman heads off for work on Monday. "Gahh, forget it .. i will blow it even hard now". He came out from under and headed for going up the flyover ..

Scene C

Chaman blew the horn loudly, Aman lost control and Crash!!! .. both started shouting while not listening to each other.

Aman: "Abey Chaman! .. paagal hai kya?"(Such a big horn!!), "scratch laga diya gaadi par" (I spent so much for the stickers), "itna tez horn bajata hai baju se (How costly would this horn be)", "saale so raha hai .. subah nashta nahi diya kya biwi ne?" (I hope I'm not alone!), "aisa horn kharida hai, biwi bacchon par kharch kar deta paise" (I hope his wife fights him for this horn).

Chaman felt insulted as the abuse was his name indeed. After reading the printed name on the car, Chaman: "Chup kar saale Aman ki Asha, badi gaadi hai toh maarega kya!" (Such a big Car!!), "side dena chahiye na" (I spent so much money for ultimately getting a side), "itni badi gaadi le liya hai, chalana toh seekh le" (How costly would this car be), "saale so raha hai .. subah nashta nahi diya kya biwi ne?" (I hope I'm not alone!), "biwi ko nayi car pasand nahi ayi kya?" (I hope his wife fights him for this Car)

After much brawl, they parted ways, as Men do each day. Both smiled while driving ahead, having dumped their frustrations early in the morning. Their rediscovered aggression reassured them: "Men are Back"

-X-

It’s Unfortunate

2010-01-25T03:53:00.000-08:00

25-01-10

The phrase “It’s Unfortunate” is thrown at our faces by the high ranking govt. officials on a day-to-day basis. It’s easy to learn and eliminates cross-questioning, probably the most efficient and high profile replacement to “I take the responsibility and will work on the shortcomings”

4 poor children just died of cold on Delhi streets; New Delhi, to be precise.

The govt. officials comment “It’s Unfortunate”. They claim they did everything possible to save the poor from the smoggish chill. They gave the necessary shelter, a mattress and a blanket; Rava blanket, to be precise.

We say It’s Unfortunate that there is a New in New Delhi.

They say It’s Unfortunate that Dal has become unaffordable to the poor, It’s Unfortunate that India is still vulnerable to terror attacks, It’s Unfortunate that Hockey India has hit a new low.

We say It’s Unfortunate that a farmer sells Dal at Rs 35/kg and people get it at Rs 100/kg, It’s Unfortunate that 26/11 happened a few weeks after an Intelligence warning, It’s Unfortunate that Hockey is our national sport.

For govt. officials, “It’s Unfortunate” should be dubbed as “I’m Unfortunate”.

For us, the Aam Aadmi bandwagon, it should be dubbed as “I can’t bring any fortune”

-x-

In to the wild

2010-01-01T21:55:00.000-08:00

Emotional Atyachar by the Jungle Safari Guide!

“Bhai-Saab” said we and kicked off the wild tour in our gypsies. Standing on the seats we took a deep breath of the freshest form of air.

Enter Pench National Park - Madhya Pradesh.

4 of us wished to spot a roaming Tiger; Tigress to be honest. Our Guide seemed to be a Jungle connoisseur. 100 meters away from the entry gate, we started troubling him: “Have you seen the Tiger hunting?”, “Is there any way we can get down from the Gypsy?”, “Can we also figure out the Tiger calls?” He gave us a giant snub on all the 3 questions. Rat Bastard. So, 100 meters in to the Jungle we found the first wild animal - the Guide.

Guide said he couldn’t do much about finding a Tiger. He could just decipher the noises which animals make when they see a Tiger around, which are called “Calls”. Calls can help track a Tiger.

My companions were worried it might turn in to some really boring 3 hours. The companions were Narbhakshi, Ghoda and Badey. 2 of these, as the names suggest, were already wild. The 3rd one, Badey, doesn’t give a tiny rat’s ass to the world and all the existing forms of life & matter. Given the wild gypsy content, I was sure of some fun amongst us.

250 meters in, Guide asked us to be pin-drop quiet and screamed “STOP”. Gypsy halted. He gave a Byomkesh look and asked us to spot a Deer. Beautiful it was. We waited for 10 minutes. Badey took a pic. 200 meters more and STOP. 2 Deers this time, 2 pics. We were thrilled as we had spotted 3 Deers in half an hour. Anticipating our joy, the Guide slapped: “There are 35,000 Deers and 35 Tigers in this Jungle”. One of them (Deer) will kill him someday for me, I pray.

After one hour of boring Deer-spotting, we saw an Owl. Finally something to fake-cheer a little about. Badey took a pic. Frustrated, we said “Can you please take us to the Tigress?” Guide screamed “STOP”. “That was quick”, I thought. He pointed towards a potty mountain and said “look, that’s Tiger’s faeces”. Narbhakshi added spice to the Eureka: “It has Deer’s hair in it”. Badey promptly took a pic. Ghoda laughed horsterically. Shame on us.

Two and half hours and the count was 4: Deer, Owl, Jackal and Bison. We took a Godzilla sigh as we spotted a bunch of 50 Deers and gave up majestically. Anticipating our early give-up, the Rat Bastard said STOP. This time he moved his ears, shrank his forehead, waved his fingers and closed his eyes. It looked as if he was the lord of ears - Kaandev, trying to decipher some random screech. “Bingo, it should be a Tiger call”, I fake-cheered. Narbhakshi asked me to shut the shuck up, so he and the guide could concentrate on “THE CALL”.

After 5 minutes of this high voltage melodrama and mind numbing silence, he shrugged and ordered the driver - “Aage badho”. He must have felt a Patiala kick after rubbing salt in our wise-owl-brain bruises. Ghoda finally felt the slow death and took a wild yawn. Thereafter, I and Badey labeled every screech in the Jungle a “Missed Call”

Heading towards the exit, I started analyzing the worth of the trip. I assigned Rs 1 to each of the 100 Deers we saw. Rs 10 for 1 Owl. Rs 20 for 2 Jackal and Rs 20 for 2 Bison. This made a total of 150 bucks, nothing close to the Rs 650 we spent on the entry tickets. The only way to recover the money was to assign money to each tree. I cursed the Jungle and accepted the result.

The only man coming out smiling from the Jungle was Badey. He had 50 pics in his cam. 1 of the Tiger potty with Deer hair, 3 of Deers, none of Bison (coz we thought it was a regular Buffalo), 2 of Jackals, and 44 of his own.

“It’s College Life”

2009-12-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

The title of this post is in quotes. It was my wing’s favorite excuse-phrase, used after doing a questionable act. 2nd position was bagged by the phrase “Come On” (with lots of Os in “On”). These were the 2 axioms which laid the foundation pebble of our so-called wing, A-7.

The group was an uncanny mix of non-nerds. Each had a knack or two. With complimentarily contrasting knacks, each group meeting used to be a laughter marathon. Together, we decibled the hostel off the charts. Character assassination and barbaric rules built our constitution. The only criterion of decision-making was Majority - to hell with logic. Early movers disadvantage was a secret known by a few.

There were 10-11 prominent legislators, who played all the mind games to gain the coveted Majority on a day-to-day basis. Every act, every spoken word by every wing mate was counted, analyzed and memorized for possible future assassinations. Any self-proclaim or an intelligent point was replied with a plain phrase: “Bol diye hain”. It means shut-up - you can’t bring any good.

Academics was always considered as a topic of discussion, rarely as things-to-do. Our academic year had 2 semesters. Each Semester had 2 main exams, Mid-sems and End-sems. Rest were quizzes, which rested in peace. The Mid-sems and End-sems were the 2 events when we used to drool over xeroxes of toppers’ notes. The act of waking anyone up during exams was discouraged by others. A mischievous grin used to accompany - “Sone de yaar usko, thak gaya hoga wo”. In short, the one who tried to be friendly became the next-in-line for a “friendly” lesson.

Attendance was a number and probability game. It’s all about how many wing-mates have lower attendance that you. If even one of them is drowning below, it’s okay. The first class used to be at 8:30 am, followed by 3 more till 12:30. The vision used to be the 8:30 class, the purpose - 9:30 class, the aim – 10:30 class and the result – 11:30. Sometimes the 2 axioms used to justify being late for the 11:30 class. After all, “Come Ooon”, “It’s College Life”.

Have you ever taken lifts from auto-wallahs? .. cheated Banks? .. burnt notice boards?. Well! Nothing to be proud of - you may say, but these were touted as achievements by Majority, hence all. Being brief, this was A-7, which sadly denotes that it’s 7th floor of A-block of our hostel. Yeah, we were too lazy to name our so-called wing properly, but what can one do when the only 3 suggestions were: “Eagles”, “Fuelz” and “Kaminey”.

---

The legislators: Manav, Siddhu, Anshul, Saxi, Tau, Dippi, Maeta, GP, Santo, Chummi and myself. Trust me, the order of names in this list will also be noted down for my next assassination :)

---

PS: I was being sarcastic in the post. The truth is that I feel privileged to be a part of the most outrageous, hilarious and Machaxx group ever at IIT-Bombay ..

-x-

My Cricket Teams - 2009

2009-11-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

Sadly, not getting much time to write these days ... anyways check out my cricket teams and add/edit/comment:

Test

1) Gambhir
2) Ponting (c)
3) Dravid
4) Sachin
5) M. Hussey
6) Kallis
7) Dhoni (w/k)
8) Vettori
9) Murali
10) Umar Gul
11) P. Siddle

One-day

1) Sachin
2) Watson
3) Dilshan
4) De Villiers
5) Dhoni (c, w/k)
6) Kallis
7) N. Hauritz
8) Vettori
9) Kyle Mills
10) Steyn
11) Mohd. Aamer

T-20

1) Dilshan (w/k)
2) Gayle
3) Kallis
4) Yuvraj
5) Duminy
6) Watson
7) Afridi
8) Razzaq
9) Vettori (c)
10) Nannes
11) Mendis

Kallis features in all my teams .. finally he gets his long overdue fame :)

Indian kid's Google Doodle!

2009-11-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

Indian kid's design to greet world on Google on Nov 14. The design is incorporated on the world-renowned search engine's logo.

What an achievement for the kid! .. check out www.google.com :)

--

Ravindra Jaded Jadeja

2009-11-05T07:10:00.000-08:00

Just wrote this while watching the match .. not a BLOG blog :) ..
--

India has over 60 years of independence and over 20 years of dependence - Sachin!

So! .. It's India chasing 350. Nail biting match. Sachin goes berserk. Hits a fifty. Sehwag did a little blitzkrieg.

Oh! and the second wicket fell. Tense situation. India sad. Revital guys happy. Yuvi is the man in. Hits boundary. Over ends. Revital Advertisement. Yuvi says Jeeyo Jee Bhar Ke. Next over. Yuvi out, goes back. Pops the pill.

Sachin still berserking. Hits a ton. MRF sad. Adidas happy.

Dhoni in. Dhoni out. Bhajji in. Bhajji out.

Enters Ravindra Jadeja, the pop-eye. Hits a four, Indians amused. Punches Sachin, injury averted. Keeps strike. Powerplay on. Keeps strike. Powerplay on. Keeps strike. Indians abused. Sachin out of flow. Sachin out.

Praveen Kumar in. Hits a six. Fire in the eye. Jadeja still there, pops the eye. Wants strike. Jadeja out. Indians abused.

Nehra in. Indians pick the remote. Lofts 54 meters. Indians throw the remote. Nehra out. Nehra amused. Indians abused.

Indian Train Journey

2009-10-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

One train journey in India gives you a 360 degree experience of life. Apart from reaching your destination, you chat, criticize, empathize and play.

The people: There are 4 categories: The Sleeper, AC & General class travelers and the by passers.

By-passers are the most fun. “Original” is their favorite word. Everything they sell is a value for money, they say. You really can’t argue on value when in 10 Rs. he offers a packet with: 1 Scissor + 1 Scale + 1 Pen + 1 Key chain + 1 Eraser + 1 Diary. None of it is Made in China. Can you argue now? You can only ask why give an eraser with a pen? Their “original” products range from sweets, fruits, snacks, tea (always “special”), lighters, newspapers, books to torches. One stand out product is the multi-feature balm - looks like grease and can cure cold, cough, arthritis, backache, headache and impotency!

The other form of by-passers includes regular beggars who tap emotional pockets, smart beggars who clean your clean floor to tap “intelligent” pockets and the Eunuchs who touch you intelligently at emotional places.

The sleeper class people are over-friendly. They love to bargain with the by-passers, who curse them for this habit. They always demand a couple of extra Bananas on a dozen. They will then break the ice with you by offering you those extra Bananas. You say NO and they insist. Then you gain freakish insights on Indian politics, culture, cricket & economy while gulping those cursed Bananas. At the end of journey you will get to hear “If you ever come to XYZ city, do give me a call, I can help you with anything”.

Most of the AC travellers have switched to AC from the Sleeper class only. As a transformative result, they pretend to be over-aloof. They will speak loudly on the phone to let you know how rich/smart/educated they are. Breaking the ice is an ego issue here. You will probably end up in a debate after the ice is broken. The topics are still the same: Politics, culture, cricket & economy. The General class is well explained by Mr. Shashi Tharoor, so I won’t dig in to it.

The service: Other than Rajdhani, their food is a delicate garbage platter. The mutter-paneer has 1 paneer and 2 mutter. The name of the dish has both singular words, you should be happy you get an extra mutter. Dal has 6 -7 visible units of lentil (for protein) and 1 coriander leaf (for Iron), with lots of water (to prevent dehydration). The Roti is Sun-dried to give you less fat. The Rice is thick with a hint of light orangish carrot. Tea is made by dipping a heater rod (I have seen the pictures) in the water-milk mixture (80-20).

The test: Just when you start relaxing, enters the TC - Ticket Collector (Vital statistics: 36-48-36). I wonder how most of them have moustaches. Apart from the moustache, they carry a huge list of names and a metallic pen. With head down, spectacles about to drop from the nose, he looks up to you. He makes a claw, raises eye-brows and points the metallic pen towards you. This subtle gesture implies you need to show your ticket to him and that he is well educated man with dignity, not a beggar. He makes you feel dubious - “Man, what if I have lost my ticket?”

The sports: I am very fond of the part that connects 2 bogies. It’s like a free ride. Put one foot each on the two overlapping plates and you will either enjoy or get scared, kinda like rides. The one thing I don’t like about this place is the stench – toilets on either side. The toilets are Gaming Zones, only the Desi ones though. You have to manage between the train acceleration & lateral movements and your position & pressure. The only life-line to help you is a questionable handle with a thousand splendid fingerprints!!!

-x-

Jokowhich

2009-10-16T10:24:00.001-07:00

Jokowhich is an astonishing name. This guy, it seems, has a problem with the world. He carries the world in his pocket, he claims. The pocket is in his socks, he tells later.

It’s one thing to get a negative or opposite reply, it’s another to get an answer which makes you pull your eye-brows out. Why eye-brows you would ask? NCQP - No cross questions please. I learnt this from Jokowhich.

Let’s take a take on his takes:

Q: Who are you?

A: I’m the Joke which laughs on you. NCQP

Q: When were you born?

A: Somebody gave me a spank. That was the last time a guy spanked me. NCQP

Q: Which Joke made you famous?

A: That I carry my socks in my pocket. NCQP

Q: That was a PJ. Are these your true colours?

A: It’s colors. NCQP

Q: Okay do you know all colors? What about Mauve?

A: That doesn’t sound like a colour. That sounds like a Cow. NCQP

(Q: “You just said colour”. A: “No, I said color”)

Q: Okay, let’s change the subject. What’s your Rashee?

A: You didn’t change the subject. You still want to know when I was born. Change the subject. NCQP.

Q (irritated): Why are you so irritating?

A: That’s why. NCQP.

Q (smiling): Why are you so irritating?

A: I said NCQP. NCQP!

--x--

PS: This one's for those who felt my blog was getting less weird :P

One Day Cricket, One Day!

2009-10-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

If you ask me what i love the most about One-Day cricket, i would say the first and the last 10 overs. Basically a the subset of One-Day cricket, those 20 overs. When you remove the in between 30 (sorry@Rahul Dravid), there's your product: T-20 format.

Where else do you get to see funny shots, huge run rates, loads of sixes and cheerleaders!. It's an energetic party. When it started, some feared that One-Day cricket will have to fight for food. Within a few years, T-20 has beaten One-Day format inside-out, putting up a BIG question on its survival. Caught and Bowled!

What holds up a certain format of the game? The fundamental question here is what exactly does Cricket offers us. The classic form and the evolved forms have offered us a display of technique and speed. Test format predominantly offered us technique and class. One-Day offered us a relatively higher fraction of speed, yet giving technique due importance. Now we have T-20, which is predominantly speed.

When One-Day cricket started, some feared that it will eat up the Test form. It couldn't, because Test is a sheer display of what's the heart of Cricket, the technique. Do I want to see some classy centuries and consistent A grade bowling? Yes I do. Now, we have the sheer display of speed in our hands, the T-20 format. Do I want to see nail biting and high paced cricket? Yes I do.

Sachin recently said that we need to protect the One-Day format. He suggested to split the 50 overs in to 2 innings of 25 overs each, where each team plays its innings alternately. He explained why the splitting was important but did not stress on why to save the format? ... fear of losing all the records?

Do I need a "Test T-25"? Not sure.

Autorickshawsum-2 | A re-take

2009-09-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

Previous post: Autorickshawsum

Let's kick the sequel off with a pic i recently clicked.

What you noticed: the vacant seat (1 ft. x 1.5 ft approx :)). What you missed: his neck. He was talking to a fellow autowallah on his right while driving. I was holding my breath as they ignored the traffic and kept cracking jokes for 45 seconds. "My previous auto's vehicle no. was 'MNS 420' ", he said & they laughed. When his friend left, he told me that he likes to talk a lot. "Do you know the word 'recession' (which he pronounced perfectly), what is the meaning?", he asked. Who doesn't, i thought. I explained him the meaning.

He didn't give me much time to wonder about his English speaking abilities. "I like South-Indians and IITans in my machine", he said, bending his neck 150 degrees back. Oh! - the English and Ah! - the recession, i thought and smiled. "They help me learn English and keep me up to date with the latest", he said. I am confident that he didn't know the word "respectively".

IITans love to create situations where they can tell people that they are IITans. Trust me, it could be as small as exchanging email IDs with someone, where they can say "XYZ@iitb.ac.in". I had the time and the situation given, but i let go the desire. The guy didn't know about Swine Flu, but asked about Freida Pinto. "Latest", i smirked. I thanked myself for my desire dump.

After a while, he adjusted his overhead mirror and saw me yawning. He laughed and turned on the Bollywood music. I also laughed and told him that i like his type of autowallas. I teased him on his style of sitting. He moved to the center of the seat while pulling one of his legs up to change the sitting style; notice:

I refrained from commenting more on his style. He took the benefit of my fondness for him and kept chattering. "That shattered building in front of the Domestic Airport is Dawood's, that's why these govt. officials have not demolished it completely yet. They fear him", he said. "Even these big restaurants serve dangerous chicken. They purchase cheap raw meat from shops which sell naturally died animals' meat", he added. I know a lot of weird stuff about Mumbai because of these chatterboxes. Not sure about the reliability though.

After a 1/2 hour journey, i got down. I gave him Rs. 80 worth notes and a Rs. 5 coin. He tucked the notes in his pocket but rubbed the coin on the meter before keeping it in. I waved my eyebrow inquisitively. He winked and said "I want to turn this meter in to a magnet, so it can attract more coins. A 5 Rs. coin is a 'Vada Pav lunch' for me after all". I laughed, touched the meter and asked if this magnet theory was given to him by some IITan. "No, it's my belief", he said and asked me to remove my hand from the meter. I obeyed. "Don't touch me", it read !!!

yoU Pee on the Elephant

2009-09-12T03:50:00.000-07:00

My name is Aamir. I am a daily wager. I belong to a neglected caste. I am a farmer by profession and an artist by heart. I love to carve stones. It's less profitable than farming, but it hasn't rained well this year. I got to know about a work opportunity at a nearby state's capital. So, I thought that instead of earning less money from farming, why not tap money by doing something I like.

They had given me the pictures to be carved on stone, but with strict instructions about the facial expressions. I am creative and I would have loved to carve the expressions on my own. With no choice, I planned to apply my brains over the legs, dress, hairs, hands and fingers. Just before lunch, I finished one of the hands. I carved the fingers and the thumb too. The pictures they gave me featured a politician with index finger pointing outwards, which according to them signified vision, growth and leadership. The statue however is meant to give a different overall message, my friends told me. It’s all a political gimmick, they said. I second my friends on their thoughts about the leader. I never really came to know about the achievements of this leader. Yes, I heard about the wins and laurels, but I never got to know about the benefits which were promised, the benefits which were claimed specially for my caste.

My father used to tell me that the word "Aamir" means "a leader"; i felt it was time for me to be an "Aamir". I took my frustration out, I carved out my revenge from this slave job and dictatorship. I did hammer the finger out, but with a small alteration. It was not the index finger, it was the one next to index. I know the stupid officers and the blind voters will not notice the change in the finger anyways.

The officer visited the next day. He looked a little worried and hurried. "Stop the work, you have to leave the garden before evening", he said. "6 hours" was the deadline he gave to me and my colleagues to leave the place. Some court took the decision to stop the work within 6 hours. "May be the finger pointed towards that court; some supreme ego must have got hurt", I thought and laughed vehemently.

Well, I lost both the earning options. But trust me, I am not sad. I prevented an extra Elephanta caves after all. I would rather carve my own picture back home now, with my "inked" index finger taming a powerful elephant! .. Ha! ..

taken from: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/05/indias_massive_general_electio.html

-x-

Check out:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/news/india/All-construction-of-memorials-in-Lucknow-must-stop-in-6-hours-SC-to-Maya-govt/articleshow/4998397.cms

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/City/Bhubaneswar/Orissa-sculptors-chip-in-to-craft-Mayawatis-statues/articleshow/4946116.cms

Energy conVERSation

2009-08-31T00:20:00.000-07:00

We keep using phrases like "negative energy". Does that mean energy has a direction? Certainly not. In materialistic context it doesn't make sense. There we just talk about conservation and conversion of energy in various forms.

When used in human context, it’s a physical label relying on past experiences and intuition resulting from semi-illusive societal knowledge. One form of energy, which considers itself +ve, labels the other form -ve.

Happiness, partly independent of energy, was spread across the volume. Its 8 pm - dinner time. The +ves in the electric train were getting charged up.

The -ve energy entered the zone; it tried to restrain itself from reacting. It settled down immediately and stored itself quietly. It’s looking for the right time, the time when positivities hibernate and negativities flourish. The time when Sun sets completely and stars come out all proudly to hint their coded maps and disguised armors like polar bears and hunters.

It was 12 am, and there hissed the Black. As you know, black does not reflect anything. It only absorbs. It gets warmer and warmer, even in front of the Sun. Black smiled and showed its metal nail teeth. Its eye balls looked like ball bearings. It was lean with red veins coming out of its black flesh. There were no arteries, just the veins, with stagnant black blood.

The -ve energy which carried the Black had lived purposefully with others -ves, adding up with similar energies to make bigger Blacks. It refrained itself from +ves, for days, for years, to grow big and to run away from its own hidden +ve energy. For long, it lived away secretly. Now, it has personified as the human form of Black, the -ve human.

He stayed there for 4 hours, waiting for the bridge. Leaning from the train door, he looked up. He grinned at the shiny crescent, frowned at the hunter and jumped in to the river. While in the air, he pushed a button; a button that disintegrated his soul. Black got its omen. With 10 small sound energy packets, it sent a huge 11^th, accompanying other forms of energy like heat and light. Its eyes targeted real eyes, teeth searched for real bones and the black flesh burned up the real flesh. The +ves rubbed with the -ves to give a zero. Silence.

My name is K-K-K-Khan | Shahrukh Khan

2009-08-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

A 4000 cc sedan got towed. "Shahrukh Khan detained at Newark airport". 48 hours worth news platter for Indian Media. Over 5000 articles all over the world in 2 days.
--
My picks:

Rajiv Shukla (Congress): "When they allowed him to use his cell, I was the first person he called. Then i just called the US officials and sorted things out." .. ehh? Rajiv? .... Gandhi?

Ambika Soni: "We will do the same to their people".. mam, we couldn't even protect our honourable ex-President Kalam from getting frisked by them, in India!!

Mandvi to Jon Stewart (on their show): "This is Khan .. you don't know who you are dealing with. He is the Shia LaBeouf of Mumbai, the dude from Twilight of Calcutta, Hugh Jackman of Jaipur and Bruce Wills of Delhi." .. who are you? Jacky Bhagnani of Tampa?

Daler Mehndi: "This is very bad. This should not happen to celebrities like us".. us? bolo ta-ra- ra-ra
--

Shahrukh appeared on CNN-IBN wih Rajdeep Sardesai. Naturally, it was time for TIMES NOW to pull up their socks. They invited Salman on "Frankly Speaking", a show hosted by Arnab Question Bank Goswami.

Here's Shahrukh, after Rajdeep Sardesai (CNN-IBN) tried to dig his unspoken emotions out:

Shahrukh Khan (Obama in disguise): "I don't like visting A; not because it targets B, but because sometimes "small" things like C cause disappointment. I don't mind the D, although as a "human being" i feel it's a "little" E. It's a "system" "we" created, a system we chose to live in. I "respect" the system and therefore i "deeply believe" that i would definitely go there again, whenever required." What the F?

On TIMES NOW, Arnab first labeled Shahrukh a diplomat because he did not speak frankly on CNN-IBN, then he fake-praised Salman for his enormous fan following. Here's Salman, after having told by the Question Bank that he is intrinsically humble.

Arnab (ashamed while asking the cheap question): "If you, you know, went to US, then, what would you, i mean ... "
Salman (bursts in to laughter): "Ha ha ha ...". "See, i think this issue is an important lesson. It's no big deal. It happens everywhere. I used to wear shorts to avoid any rigorous checking. They check you when you are suited-up and "behave" like you are someone big and popular." .. said the "Wanted" star and brother of big and popular Arbaaz Khan and Sohail Khan
--

Publicity Gimmick?.. Yes! .. but by whom?

Autorickshawsum

2009-08-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

Mumbai auto rickshaw is like a rap song; Dirty, Dhinch & Up-front. It looks like a black pig with a light emitting nose, as "breathtaking" as Asthma. The body is invariably curvaceous, denty & torn. Interiors sport shiny CDs, national flag stickers and tattoos ranging from "Aum" to "786". The leg space is directly proportional to the length of your thigh bone. The proportionality constant, however, is 1. The best part is the multi-billion dollar patented suspension system which protects you from having weak joints. The driver of course is a rapper who rides the song.

Coming to the rappers. There are 2 categories: locals and UPBs (U.P & Bihar). I found that they are 2 completely different breed. The former is quiet, un-interested and flaunts pride and honesty; read 'all boring'. The latter breed is more like my kind of rapper. I love em. Recently, i got a chance to chat-up with a few of the UPBs and what's written below is meant for them.

UPBs have a moderate IQ. Their knowledge about people and relationships is solid. When they stop at signals or get stuck in traffic, they utilize time by cleaning the auto. They normally use sand with water to clean the mirror. However, tobacco with water is the best cleaning mixture!. Apparently, it avoids water drops sticking to the mirror.

They hate 2 things: BEST, their business rival and all women drivers. According to them, BEST is like nicotine, a life-taking lifeline. Women drivers give them obvious and plenty reasons to hate. A few of their everyday comments: "Who gives them the license?", "Look, she is checking herself out in the mirror", "Damn, she took turn opposite to her indicator" .. and so on. I think all men will Roger That. May be women tell you to go on the side where indicator is blinking, that's why it's called "indicator", for YOU!!.

I encountered a bindaas rapper recently who gave me a very entertaining company from Powai to Vile Parle. Slim, dark, long hairs and a heart & arrow tattoo on left hand. Waist was around 26, so was his age. He said being slim is cool among men of his league. Opposite goes for the throttle grip. The number of grips on the accelerator is a status quotient. The fatter it is, the duder the rapper. He had a peculiar style of sitting. The dimensions of the pilot seat were 2.5ft. X 1.5ft. He sat only on the leftmost 0.5 X 1.5, angling the lean body over his butt towards right. This is also a very popular way of sitting, he told, smiling shyly. I said Vile Parle. He pulled the lever. Swine flew!

Kachroo - Part 2

2009-07-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

(contd. from previous post)

.. rani is the most awaited and celebrated train of our station. It is always on time and it's entry is always grand. The policemen and Saheb are always on-guard when she comes.

She starts decelerating from hundreds of meters away. The 1 minute odd time which it takes to finally come at halt is scintillating, a treat to eye & ear. The timing is so perfect that she puts on brakes precisely when the Maghrib prayer starts at the nearby mosque. She rides a smooth curve on the tracks and makes noise in harmony with Maghrib. The beautiful sunset reflects from it's black window panes.

I and my friends start running like pigs when we hear the high pitched Maghrib. "She's coming, she is ..", shouts Salim everyday. I told you a few of my friends got the thanda for no money. One of them was Salim. He's the one who starts the 'yelling welcome' everyday. We follow and so the gamble begins; the game is tough. The probability is 1/12. One has to be at the lucky bogey out of the 12 bogeys or it's gone .. the FOOD!. The well suited waiters of rani give away the extra/leftover food at our platform. The food is very delicious. What we love the most is that the food is packed. We save the aluminium foil to make wedding rings for our late night games. The food is predominantly white bread fast food. The bread is soft, although sometimes half-eaten. What we look out for is the thanda. What i look out for is Youngistan in particular.

It was dusk and Salim started the oinking. All the rag pigers assembled quickly. One of the bogey is the kitchen. Oinks include: "second last!!" .. "no no 3rd from front!!" .. "just behind the engine" .. "in front of the toilet gate" etc. Everyone tries to disguise others by yelling what they felt wouldn't be the kitchen bogey today. Rani slowed down enough so we can jump on it's gates. Saheb started yelling too, asking us to behave. Now he was also among the oinkers !!

(taken from http://www.kamat.com/kalranga/people/rag_pickers/)

I jumped on 5th bogey from engine, still unaware of the result. A beautiful girl was looking at me from inside the bogey. She had put both her hands against the black window pane and had put her face inside them to increase the vision. She was looking all the more gorgeous in that pose. It takes about 15 seconds for rani to stop after we jump on it. I stared at her for that short & sweet period and for a moment forgot about my Youngistaan. It halts, everyone shouts. Policemen hurled his stick at us and so the gate opens.

I missed it. Missed it again. It was 3rd from the front. Salim got the food again. I am happy only because the one who yelled "3rd from the front" went to the 6th, what a loser!. I jumped back on the platform, took off my shirt and tore off the pocket; it's anyways of no use. I abused my luck and sat down. The sun is almost set. It's teasing me from the window pane, all happy and red. Smiling behind my back and making me see him through the pane; bastard !

Rani waits for about 10 minutes on our platform. I stared at the sun for 10 minutes continuosly. It set and my eyes quivered. I rubbed them and when i looked up at the same pane, i saw her. Sweet mother of all gods. I forgot her as i was busy with my disgust. I winked at her like Shah Rukh Khan and smiled like Aamir. She smiled back. She liked me.

Then i gave a head nod. She smiled again and came at the gate. It was stint time for me. I lied down and got up like Shaun Michaels from WWE. Then i took a curve sharply and jumped to the heaven's own gate no. 5. She laughed mysteriously and Saheb hurled his green signal; dreams shattered. That dog hates me, badly. He couldn't wait for a minute. I had no choice but to jump down. I waved at her and gave her a flying kiss. She went inside, came back again and threw a thanda bottle towards me. I opened it and took a huge gulp.

"Youngistaan" .. the name is perfect.

Kachroo - The Rag Picker

2009-07-14T09:27:00.001-07:00

This is an attempt to write a small story on blog. For the title of the blog, my tributes to the director of "Daag-The fire"; the movie which started this rather stupid trend in Bollywood. Like all such titles, this one is also not a crowd puller. But, now that you are pulled, go through it:

--
Kachroo

I, I am ashmed at times when I say I. I don't have a name. I don't have a father. My friends started calling me Kachroo when i started working at the age of 8. My mother also calls me Kachroo now. She says she used to call me Aye and Oye before. Brutally, my name reflects what I do. I am a rag picker. I work and live at a railway station in India.

You should know that i am smart. I am the only rag picker who knows why our most sought after train, which we call Rani, is actually named "Rajdhani". No one told me; i just got the logic that it must come from Dilli and then I confirmed it with Saheb. He also told me that it connects the state capitals to our national capital, New Delhi.

'Yeh hai youngistaan meri jaan', i like this song on TV. I run towards Saheb's office when i hear these lines. Saheb is the most educated man on out platform. He likes to watch TV at loud noise. But, the black coat beast turns it down when he sees me jumping up his window. I do this exercise to catch a glimpse of my favorite thanda song on TV. I also like TV a lot. "Funny it is", my mother grins. She says i should not dream.

Actually, I don't like the thanda name. "Youngistaan", my smart brain doesn't accept this name. I think it doesn't go with the bottle. It should be something like "Ganga" or "Yamuna". Then they can say 'Yeh hai Ganga meri maa' .. he he .. I know I have a good sense of humor. "Funny it is", my mother thinks. She says i should not use my big cauliflower brains.

I said the name Youngistaan doesn't suit the bottle. It's not a strong argument. The argument should actually be for what's inside the bottle. I will give a strong argument one day, when i will taste it. Then i can surely tell you whether they should change the name or not. It's my dream to taste it.

(taken from http://www.kamat.com/kalranga/people/rag_pickers/)

Enough about my smartness. Let me tell you how i work.

You should first know that i like discipline in life. We have a big watch on our platform. Saheb taught me how to see time. To be honest, he taught me how to see a seven. He said when the small hand points to the toilet gate and the big hand points to God, its seven. As i told you, i like discipline in life, so, that's when i start and stop my work. 7am to 7 pm. Oh! the work..

..so in total, i collect around 50 bottles a day; around 20 of them from the toilet gate. Wonder how? .. it's pretty easy. Have you ever enjoyed drinks inside the toilet? No, right? Passengers finish and throw the bottles before going in and that's my 50 paisa!! My foolish friends still don't know this trick. My god, how smart am i? .. definitely more than a cauliflower. I hate my mother.

My favorite rag is the Youngistaan bottle. Out of the 50 bottles i collect, 3-4 are those, sadly all empty. I don't sell them. I hide them in the tank of the toilet. I have hundreds of them stored in all the tanks of the station. I earn just above 20 Rs a day and my mother takes away everything. I am trying to save from the last few weeks but I've got nothing. How can i taste it without the money then?

There are a few lucky friends of mine who got a chance to taste it without money. I hate all of them. All of them got it from rani .. the beautiful and fast, rani ..

.. to be continued

Hinglish - from rags to riches

2009-07-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

Hinglish is where most of the Indians start their journey of being a dude or a dudette. They are not the culprits. The culprits are those who use it to show-off or desperately try to match someone or something.

Hinglish is the result of a Ramchandar trying to enter a suave city mall; a stranger trying to strike a conversation with you in a 3A train compartment; an over-age uncle of yours trying to convince you to go for higher education; a small town Linkin Park and Shakira fan; a Parkaas scrapping the Brazilian hotties on Orkut; a rich and dumb trying to hoodwink the police .. and so on ...

There is one particular innocent incident which left me in splits recently. I hope you guys know about the 'Pepsi first ball ka captain' contest held in the recent World cup Cricket T-20. The Pepsi guys only managed to get some of the hardcore Desi winners at England. The first winner was Ravinder. Here's what happened:

The smooching Parrot Gautam Bhimani (ESPN-Star fame) stands at Lord's, at the center of the stadium. He has Jonty Rhodes with him. Our Ravinder was the Pepsi first ball ka captain. He was supposed to bowl to Rhodes before the match.

Gautam, sensing the Hinglish loaded Ravinder, started talking in Hindi suddenly. He spoke 4-5 lines in Hindi about Ravinder to make him feel comfortable. But then with his L-guard on, he dared to ask Ravinder to speak a few words about himself. Our Desi tycoon started with "I am Dilli from Ravinder". Right on the money!! .. Gautam's balls must have jumped inside, proving the L-guard useless.

Ravinder was unaware of his stomach churning blunder. He went on to speak more but Gautam pulled the mic back. Unfortunately, Gautam had to ask one more question about his bowling style against Rhodes. With a deep breath, he asked "bataiye Ravinder". There was still some gas left in the tank. Ravinder had prepared the answers, all in English. He said "Not the spin. Medium, I will medium, medium, medium" .. and the mic was pulled back before the fifth medium. "Thank you", said parrot. I am sure he meant 'Thank you lord'.

But why to blame Ravinder? Many Asian cricket captains and players haven't been that good with English either. Munaf Patel is barred from public speaking. Inzamam always praised his 'ladke'. Urdish, is it? Younis Khan confuses miles per hour with kilometers per hour. The list goes on and on here too.

But i believe that Cricketers should be given the license to be who they are. After all, English is not what you expect from them; neither from Ravinder, Ramchandar and Parkaas.

"Ek Jamfal". In Hindi it means 'One Guava'. In English it means nothing. In Hinglish it means 'Example'. Now this was said by the steel king Laxmi Mittal in an interview with Vir Sanghvi. He also used "who" instead of "which" to address about his company. Now that's where you have a problem !! .. come on billionaire, take some accent and grammar classes ..

The Indian Marriage Procession

2009-06-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

I attended a marriage procession recently.

Here's the scene: 9pm, random street. Black groom on equally black horse, let's call him 'The Dark Knight' ! .. he was choked up with the black smoke coming out of the generator. He was already invisible and the smoke sure made a deadly combo. The silver turban and his ghostly teeth were the only 2 visible co-ordinates available to locate him.

The Dark Knight was behind the 'Navbharat Band', a name which is replicated across cities and states in India. Let's take a look at who all participated in the circus:

a) 20 poor men and women, carrying on their head the burden of 20 tube-lights with color papers wrapped on them. They were 10 on each side of the procession. The generator was on their team, taking revenge of their misery from the groom. After all, half of that smoke on his face was because of the tube-lights' load !!

b) The contemporary lead singer, with his music crew. They were playing Daler Mehndi's "Hayo-rabba" as usual. His keyboard skills were as bad as the weather prediction skills of the Indian Meteorological Department; never on the right note. But, I couldn't figure out a screeching noise coming repeatedly in between the song. When i heard a "Bow-Bow", i realized that his skills were better than that of the Meteorological Department, he was being innovative at least. He used his "Panasonyca" keyboard, adding animal and bird sounds to groove-it-up. That screech must have been that of a sparrow.

c) The family members were dancing(kicking) and throwing money everywhere. The music crew kept fighting to get hold of the haphazard spread of money. A few well dressed outsiders also sneaked away with some cash. Guys did the Naagin dance. The elderly made sure that the young girls dance to their limits; protecting them from the poisonous snakes.

They were dancing on "Hayo- rabba, hayo-rabba, hayo-rabba. Gadde te na chad di gadire te na chad di, gaddi teh-teh na di-di-di, cha-cha un poo-poo duh-duh go-go da-da-di, bolo ta-ra-ra-ra" . this is how he sang it ! .. only the start and the end wordings of the song were correct. Well, who cares for the lyrics anyways !

The song ended, followed by a short hault. All of them hooted for their favorite songs to be played next. Locating the co-ordinates and pointing towards The Dark Knight, the lead singer shouted, "Ready, One, Twooo" and sang "Tennu dulha kinhe banaya, Bhootni ke .." .. poor chap !

--

Drink, Drive and Bribe | Mumbai traffic police & bribes

2009-06-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

What does it take to drive a bike? You buy a bike. You have to have driving license, bike papers, insurance and PUC. You have to follow the rules of the road. All these are good ol' norms; now, you can't be drunk.

You will get the papers and insurance done easily as the private bike shop owner helps. You will get the PUC done easily for a bare minimum; again at a private shop.

What about the driving license? The time taking Sarkari procedure makes you want to kill yourself. The Indian Sarkari Babu is always "high" on his low self-esteem. He puts a finger in his ear to mutely let you know that he is not bothered. He ignores you and treats you like a dog.
But, you have to get things done, You bribe.

What about following the rules of the road? The Thullas will catch you one fine day. Then, they take your bike keys, ignore you and move away. You follow them like a dog and ask what have you done wrong. You say 'i have papers and driving license' shit. He says one of these ..

1) its one-way
2) no u-turn
3) you are speeding
4) your rear view mirror?
5) it's diwali

.. and you are done. Sadly, you find out that many of them are drunk, enjoying a mid-day high. You call them "Sir".......... but still, to get away with things, You bribe.

Wondering about the 5th point? They normally don't steal from you for such an absurd reason. But, it's Diwali. It's one of the days when even Thullas have to bribe. They have to buy silver coins, to bribe god. How can then, they leave you without a bribe, reason or no reason?

*
We treat God with nicest sweets, silver coins, coconuts and what not. We call it religion and worship. The truth is that we have developed bribing as a habit of getting things done or getting away with things. We bribe god for our prosperity, health and happiness.

Bribing god at home is a joy. We happily offer all the pricey stuff to them because it's the only form of bribe which actually remains with us. It's like we give them the smell of food & feel of money and then take everything back. A dream bribe !

Do we ever pray or worship in good times? If yes, do we bribe or is it just a fold of hands? It's got to be just a fold of hands. If its a bribe, we do it at home. We won't bribe God at a temple, unless we are in deep shit or want something badly. Courtesy: Indian Govt.
*

Anyways, coming back to the point. You don't have a problem giving bribes to Babus and Thullas. It's actually one of the best things about India. You do what you want and get away with 50 Rs. Pretty cool, ain't it? It's like the government has struck a deal with its citizens .. "we will get high, on alcohol or on low self-esteem; we will ignore you, your carelessness and flaws. You just have to pay for the cheap "high". Win-win situation"

All fine till now, but ..
6) you smell !

A flash sign board in Mumbai says "2000 people sent to jail for drunk driving in last 2 months". Why? What happened to the deal Govt.? Is this "rule" so strict that one of you may lose job for taking bribe or for arresting less no. of people? Do you have to show less accident figures to somebody? Will you get more funds after showing these figures? If you can drive a huge country on a high, why can't the citizens also drink and drive .. a tiny vehicle?

... you show teeth, we grind teeth, it's perfect. Let's not bring law and order in place .. please ! .. let the "rule" be there, just accept the bribes, Sir ! ...

--

Apple ishtyle !

2009-06-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

How Apple works?

.. make rare products which appeal to users from all angles .. and then .. make people use them on company terms. For instance, buy an i-pod and you are forced to use it through iTunes (unless you crack it). More to it, the mp3 and video files should only be of a specific type. Similarly, the i-phone had many features missing and their PCs and laptops run only on their own Operating System.

Apparently, the revenues from iTunes are over a billion dollar. The insight is that the product is so good, one actually never complains over the fancy restrictions and conditions. Instead, you try to appreciate and find the logic behind them. But you wont find many services or companies who do this.

I remember I went to the Girgaum beach last year. I was with a few friends and we were enjoying a rally of fast food. I spotted a paan-wala with biigg moustache, round and proud !
I was having a Gola while he noticed me admiring his style. He was around 50 meters away.

He folded hands, bent his head down and with welcoming eyes, gave me a mute invitation. I couldn't resist the uncanny gesture. I went there with 2 of my other friends.

We were not surprised by the long menu. Of the top of my head, they were sweet and saada variants of Banarasi, Kalkatta, Maghai etc. We chose one randomly. He swiftly made a great looking paan with thousand ingredients. And then, suddenly, he placed his hand at the back of my head, pulled me down and forced the delicious beetle leaf in my mouth ! .. he does this to everybody .. No complains .. Apple ishtyle !

Strategic Begging in Mumbai

2009-05-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

Dadar station, Mumbai.

The route: All frequent travelers of the Mumbai local train adopt a fix pathway between getting in to the station and catching the train. They enter the station, go upstairs, walk towards some platform no., go downstairs and reach the final place for boarding. Over some period of day to day travel, the path gets fixed. Normally, one does not deviate for more than 2 meters either side.

The gait: In the rush time, those who walk through the sides walk fast. The others who walk at the central area look down and take small steps because of the rush.

The state of mind: Not much interest in what's around. The only goal is the train to catch.
--
Given the context, lets see how beggars work:

It was first week of May. There wasn't much rush as it was a Saturday evening. I saw a blind Hindu beggar saying 'bhagwan tera bhala karega' when i was walking on the sides. There was a poor lady lying down with her child and begging at the central area.

Point 1: The blind guy was standing in the way to slow people down and make them notice what he says. The lady was lying down as people are slow at center.

Last Saturday, there were two fresh faces. A new blind guy standing on the sides at the exact same place, but this time, a Muslim guy, saying 'Allah'. In the central area was an old man lying down at the exact same place. He was weak and had a plaster on his leg and some support on his belly.

Point 2: Notice the change in religion. A new dose of religion for people who take that path.

Point 3: On the other side, there was a dose of emotion. Change from a poor lady with a weak baby to a suffering old man.

Point 4: Notice the week's time they take to shuffle. They might have arrived at this figure after repeated permutations and combination to maximize the income. Given the non- deviation from the path of a traveler and the state of mind, one week actually sounds about right. In a week, one would normally notice the fresh dose of emotion & religion and give away a tip.

One sad reality is that out of the blind beggars i have noticed, most seem to suffer from similar accident. It reminds of what i have seen in many bollywood movies but would not like to mention here. Although, the business aspect of begging shown in movies may be very true.

Sad, but strategic !

Let's see who comes next Saturday ..

-x-

Update: my theory works !! .. saw that blind Muslim guy at Andheri station today .. must have shifted last Saturday ..

-x-

Cricket Commentators ..

2009-05-09T01:02:00.000-07:00

What's prompted me to write this is the stating-the-obvious and irritating nature of some commentators:

X-Batsman, Y-Bowler.

Situation 1: X couldn't middle it, but it's one bounce to the fielder in the deep extra cover. 2 runs.

Ravi Shashtri (cunning): "Chance for a catch. No, it lands short. They'll have to hurry for 2. Safe"

Harsha Bhogle (smart): "Up in the air, the fielder takes it in one bounce. One bounce, one hand, that would have been out in GULLY cricket"

Tony Greig (The master): (shouts)That could be out !!!! .. no it's 2 runs.

Arun Lal (garbage): "That was not a good shot, couldn't middle it, not any foot movement, this has been his problem for a long time now, good fielding by the fielder, throw comes in, batsmen have to run hard and they did, it's 2 more runs for X, but lucky, he should not take risk right now"

LSRK (Laxman Siva Rama Krishnan, the whining god): "It counld be a boundaryn, no no, it counld be a cantch, no it fenll shonrt, it's a single, no no, it's two runs"

-------

Situation 2: X hits a clean six over the extra cover.

Ravi Shashtri: "Bannnnng !, Stands tall and it's gone 100 miles .. "

Harsha: (shouts)"What a shot ! .. whhat aa shott ! Y will have to do something special now"

Tony Greig: (shouts)Oh Boy ! It's gone, gonnee, smashed out of the park for a six !!!!!

Arun Lal: "That was not a bad ball by Y, but look at X, look at the way he middles it, look how fast the bowl is travelling, its gone far, magnificent shot by X. I think this is a good innings"

LSRK: After 10 seconds "Thant wans an goond shont, thant wans certainlyn an goond shont, a wenll densenrvend sinx"

---

What will guys like Sunil Gavaskar, Ramiz Raja, Geoffery Boycott, Michael Holding etc. say in these situations? .. anybody?

-x-

The Music Maestros | Bollywood music

2009-04-22T04:51:00.000-07:00

As the title suggests, this blog is about A.R.Rehman and R.D.Burman

No, i am not comparing them. How can I? Both are maestros of their times. One got an Oscar, the other deserved one. But, what's the difference? There has to be one. Panchamda never had the luxury of using so many instruments for composition and recording. It is also true that you need to be a Rehman to be able to use them effectively. Else, you get an Anu Malik or a Sajid-Wajid. So there has to be that something extra about Panchamda. What is it? Read ..

"Par mein jaagun. Ek khumari. Ek Nasha sa." These lines are from Dil Gira Dafartan (Dilli-6). Music composed by the legendary A.R.Rehman.
"Aanewala pal, janewala hai. Ho sake to isme, zindagi bita do." And this is the starting of a song from Golmaal. Music composed by the great great R.D.Burman.

I love both the songs. But observing them closely lead to a revelation, which is "sense of lyrics". Singing the first song would not make much meaning unless you sit down and connect it with the previous and following lines. The same is not true with the second song. Panchamda always kept the meaning at the center and used excellent melodies, limited instruments and charm in singing to make them unforgettable. To be honest, Rehman doesn't give too much priority to the sense making of the lyrics. I am not saying that the lyrics doesn't make sense. What i mean is that the lyrics are roped in the songs in such a way that while singing you don't feel attached to the meaningfulness of lyrics. So what do you get attached to?

Lets take an example: Masakkali from Dilli-6 again:

You get attached to the basic melody, the brilliant work of instruments to enhance the melody (the start of song with a matka and a mouth organ (correct me)), the flow of song, the changing scales, the words in lyrics (dikhlade thenga) and the throw of words (Matakkali). But the overall sense of lyrics is always not in the center.

One more important point to be noted here is that the basic melody is similar to "aye udi udi" from Saathiya. He does that time and again. But the treatment of the song is so different that you don't even think about it. I am a big fan of his quawwalis and sufi songs. Here's an eye opener; all the songs have one similarity:

"Khwaja mere Khwaja, Dil mein samaja", Noor un ala, Noor un ala", "Piya haji ali, Piya haji ali", "Maula - Maula, Maula mere Maula"

Need i say more?

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PS: Don't take this as a gentle criticism. Pun intended :)

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30 minutes of Mumbai

2009-04-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

On my way to office, i was listening to Lucky Ali's "Dekha hai aise bhi". Here's a snapshot of the scenes i saw "kisi ko aise hi" on the way, :

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1) The area between the rail tracks and the road, dangerous as it sounds. A water pipe emerging from somewhere out of the ground. A big line to get that questionable H2O. It was heartnening to see the harmony between them. The attire looked Maharashtriyan and they were all surprisingly jovial.

"Dil ke jharokon mein ab bhi mohabbat ke saaye hai"

2) A poster of the new Mahesh Manjrekar movie (in Marathi) on the wall separating the tracks and the road. In the poster, he has a finger pointing out towards you, much like the US Army poster calling for people saying "I Want You". "Me Shivajiraje Bhosale Boltoy" is the title and he plays a "conscience awakener".

"Barson ki doori ko milke hum saath mitayenge"

3) A mini-truck passes by on the road. It's the campaign for MNS chief. All i could see was a big poster on a wodden frame pasted in front of the truck. Mr. Raj Thackrey also points his finger in the poster towards you. Not sure if its "I Want You"

"Thoda sa garaz hai, thodi si samajh hai"
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I think a novel can be written on these three points.

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I realize the importance of cam. A picture story would need no words.

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The Great Indian Media

2009-04-13T03:59:00.000-07:00

Switch channels on TV and you will find a spectrum of analysis and updates related to politics. All news channels have devised a unique way of portraying this year's election. The bottom line is however that they are all nasty, funny or annoying. Far from reality

The nasty ones: Times NOW, NDTV 24x7 etc

They have all the smart chaps. They will make faces and blabber in non-stop english, making most of the politicians feel subdued. You will find all the hot-shots like Sheila Dixit and Arun Jaitely lining up for interviews/debates. I wonder if they get paid for all this. However, it seems that people like Rajnath Singh are not even considered for an invitation.

What you get out of these channels is an interesting and hot debate with more or less no result. Its filled with smartly framed and spontaneously moulded questions. Many of the participants keep quiet, failing to understand the depth and shrewdness of the question. Kapil Sibbal and genre are the likely winners who end up making
a mockery of opposition party or its leaders.

What cuts me out is the judgmental nature of these channels. Instead of sharing views and reaching conclusions, they prefer labeling people and parties. They project that they are sophisticated but i would rather call them smart. What's the outcome ? TRP ? .. i don't think so !

The funny ones: India TV, Live India, News 24 etc.

Talking about TRP brings in the most celebrated channel, India TV. Given the political environment, all you expect is a palm or a lotus. But here is the stand-out channel. A small extract of what i understood of what they want to say:

"Pakistan mein Taliban, Hindustan mein Taliban, Pakistan ke raaste Afghanistan se Hindustan aya Taliban, Rajasthan ke registan mein seena taan ke Taliban" .. and i think i heard Vietnam somewhere too !

One more .. "Baitullah ka phone aya, Baitullah ka phone kaise aya, Baitullah ka phone kyu aya, Baitullah ka phone kaha se aya, Baitullah ne kaha baki baat baad mein bataunga" .. what the f ?

When they get back to politics, they give different scores to parties based on god-knows-what parameters. But they do say that the 3 stooges sitting in the studio are experts. On the other hand, 'Live India' has an IPL going on, 'Indian Political League'. The lady "news" reader carries a bat with her 24x7. The funny thing is that she keeps playing with it. Once, during the Indian cricket tour of New Zealand, she was pretending as if she was reporting directly from the cricket ground at New Zealand. Poor video mixing made it look hilarious.

But, what's the harm. Who takes these channels seriously. I mean i hope nobody takes them seriously. You watch them to relax. They act as something on which you can laugh, comment, abuse or take your frustration out. I think they are doing social work. Good job. Period.

The annoying ones: Aaj Tak, Zee News, Star News, Headlines today etc.

What is wrong with them ? They carry the highest TRPs and still they are so boring. Forget about being of any use. Headlines today once invited Raghu (Fame Roadies) to represent Indian Youth !. Beat that. The other big channels in this category are somewhere between making sense and India TV. They need to either rise up above the nasty ones or join hands with the Taliban specialists.

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We need new news channels !! .. although i don't have a firm opinion about CNN-IBN .. anybody ?

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Mumbai Heat

2009-03-30T06:20:00.001-07:00

You are stranded on the road waiting for taxi/auto/bus at 10 am (yes, 10 am !) in Mumbai. You won't get any of those. What you get instead is a smart, nonvolatile and maneuvering drop of sweat, just behind the right ear.

There is something terrible about the Mumbai heat. I am a Rajasthani and I have never been so uncomfortable, even with 45 degrees there. The heat here penetrates, actually hurts you, somewhere inside, even at 35 degrees. It feels like it uses some medium to go deep, deep inside you. What's the reason?

Based on my limited knowledge of science, I think the culprit is humidity (pretty obvious though). Our body sweats to cool down. Cooling happens when sweat evaporates, taking body heat away. But evaporation gets limited when humidity is high. So you sweat in Mumbai, but it isn't going to evaporate. You are hot, wet and stranded at 10 am ... yes, 10 am !!

PS: Based on 1000 true stories :D

Humara Kashmir | Kashmir, India and Indians

2009-03-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

I was traveling from Mumbai to Kota last winters. It was around 11 pm and i got to the top berth to snore. At around 11:15, I heard some shouting. It was coming from the compartment right behind me. I looked back. A Punjabi lady, deadly looking and obviously armed, said "Lambi saans le beta, rab sab theek kar dega". She was standing on the floor with eyes closed and hands folded. Soon there were dozens of people around her.

I jumped down to find out what was going on. A guy was sick. He was having an attack, may be fits. He was dressed in white kurta-pajama and a white woven cap. He was a Muslim. I was very glad to see the supportive behavior, everyone was so sympathetic. People brought water, gave him feet massages and what not. He was fine in 10 minutes and thanking people for their kind gesture.

I went back snoring. But moments later the train stopped. It was between Surat and Baroda, somewhere in the jungle. Somebody had pulled chain. It seemed that the good will of dozens of people can't stop the mental hideousness of a few. I am pretty sure it was the fat fellow who kept staring at the luggage of the sick guy. The bag carried his name and 2 printed lines saying "Haj-Mumbai" and "Humara Kashmir". The bag had a very tightly packed cuboid box in it.

There had been a number of bomb attacks in the country recently. The fat fellow was murmuring something kashmiry and had built up a team of 4 guys, all filled with suspicion.

The Railway Jawan came and asked everyone to be quiet and go back to sleep. He spoke to the "detective" team and went away. Train started again but only to stop at Baroda. 5 Army soldiers rushed in. They asked the sick guy to come down and show them his bag. They mercilessly used a knife to tear his luggage apart. Not to anybody's surprise, it was a box of sweets.

Flaunting fake pride, the soldiers rushed out. The Byomkesh and company vanished magically in seconds. People helped him organize his luggage back. Filled with dubious feelings, he said "I bought this bag from Kashmir" and pointing towards the second printed line, he kept quiet ..

"Humara" Kashmir .. is it ? .. At least that's how we portray, read:

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Taken from: http://www.newscrux.com/2008/09/23/kashmir-humor/

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath.’

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.’

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren’t there then.’

The Indian representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.’

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Filmy - Part 1

2009-03-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

I came to know that Nauheed Cyrusi lives nearby ! - that's why they say it's a small world. Given the background, i am in a little filmy mood, so writing down things randomly:

Talking about Indian actresses, do u remember the days when Karishma Kapoor had a single eyebrow, Shilpa Shetty wore Cheetahs, Madhuri romanced the trees and Raveena smiled for no reasons ?

Well, over time they realized that this self-styled way of portrayal is not a long-term business. To make an impact, you've got to change. Karishma plucked her eyebrow and we got Fiza, Shakti et al. Shilpa wore sarees and bikinis and is doing TV, IPL, item songs and what not. Madhuri did some serious roles. She sizzled in Devdas and over-shadowed Aishwarya in every department. For some reasons, Raveena kept smiling. She never actually made an impact and therefore didn't stay for long

The rule seems to be: you don't stay longer if you don't change your image. Sounds like an alert for the over-rated Bipasha Basu. On the other hand, we have a pathetic example of change: Gracy Singh. For more info, watch Desh Drohi.

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On the other hand, something is terribly wrong with Bollywood. I liked Namrata Shirodkar, she got married. I loved Gayatri Joshi, she also tied the knot. Of the four names i mentioned earlier, three are married (read retired). Why in heavens name do 'good actresses/ good looking actresses' get married ?

In some cases it is to cash upon the hype. You get one hit movie and you get a rich businessman husband. Look at Gayatri Joshi and Tara Sharma. Both of them cashed in on the success of Swades and Khosla respectively. Now you can find them on Page3 doing a shopping spree at Hilton.

In other cases, it's just the age. Not that they don't get businessmen, but the happening lot of the latter prefer the younger ones :)

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To be continued ..

Dilli-420 | New Delhi Old Heart

2009-02-26T02:38:00.000-08:00

No offense to Delhi lovers, but what's written below accounts for my dislike towards the city. I was stuck in Delhi with a friend in Summer 2007 and here's a brief summary ..

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P(read"F")art -1 The Station Master

It was around 12 noon and Delhi was boiling at over 44 degrees. We were at railway station to catch a train to Mumbai. We were surprised when the train didn't come 10 minutes prior to the scheduled departure as it was supposed to start from Delhi. As usual, we figured that there was a wrong display of platform no. at the station entry. So, the next 10 minutes went in to running here and there. The huge Delhi station added miles in to the heated run. End Result: Missed the train.

Now enters the first hero of my story; The Station Master !

I went and asked him why was there no announcement of the shift in platform no. He said there was. It came out that there was something wrong with the speakers at that platform. I argued, but only to discover the "Kaala bandar" hitting back with no solid defense, but with agony.

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Fart 2 - The Fasttrack guy

Imagine yourself stranded outside the station looking for black tickets with overhead sun. And then imagine this irritating character pouncing on you and trying to sell(force) an "original" Fasttrack goggle at 200 Rs. The guy kept scratching the goggle to make us believe that the shine and the silver color won't go. To his surprise and a rare laugh for us, the color was all gone. As they say, sometimes you are the pigeon and sometimes, the statue !
Well this one ended in a not-so-bad way.

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Fart 3 - The ugly Agent

"Sir, you look like you are 28, and your friend looks like 30; here are two tickets to Mumbai (Swaraj Express), 2500 per ticket", said the ugly stranger. As if it was written on our faces that we missed our train, and that too, for Mumbai !!
I ignored him, but only to attract more beautiful agents. All of them somehow had tickets for Mumbai and strangely for the same age group (28-30).
I decided not to take any risk and chose to go by flight.

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Fart 4 - The Laid back Dude !!

Next to Delhi station are many small offices for ticket booking. We entered one. Scene: The laid back dude (5 ft - 2", max) with his legs on the table, table fan a feet away, wearing 3-4 fake golden chains and chewing paan, sPRays "Aaiye Sir".
I asked if he can immediately book two tickets to Mumbai. I had a budget of 4k in mind. He phoned somebody and said it will cost 3300 per ticket. I was more than happy with the price. But still I inquired why was it so cheap. He explained that international flights to Mumbai (Delhi bound) have cheaper tickets. I smelled a rat.

I said, we only have 6000 Rs, and he immediately said "Ok" !! Without getting too much in to details i agreed to pay to get over with the head ache.

But, it's THE bad day, how can anything go right ? Apparently there was some terror threat at the airport and nobody was allowed to travel without an i-card. I had, but to add up to this sad story, my friend didn't. And then comes the famous melodramatic friendship dialogue "Dost, tu mujhe is tarah akela chod kar to nahi jaega na".

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Fart 5 - The real story

We came out of the shop and started walking, looking for a roadways agent as I had decided to go to Kota (my hometown) by bus and asked my friend to come with me for a few days. We ran in to a genuine flight booking agency which was around 20 meters away. I felt like checking once again for tickets without i-card, thinking may be the dude was wrong. We entered the shop and asked the well dressed guy for 2 tickets to Mumbai. We also said that we don't have i-cards.

"Are you Vinay?", he asked. For a moment, I thought the heat was doing its job... how is it possible ? .. you step out of the station and people know you missed the train to mumbai, you meet an agent and he tells you your name !!

We nodded in total paranoia. Actually, the dude had called him for tickets and given him the details. He had told the dude about i-card problem. For a moment, i praised the dude for his shrewdness, 20 meters away, but he won't tell you. Out of curiosity i asked for the price and it was 2800 Rs per ticket ..

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Fart 6 - The Gujjars

The famous political revolt by this over-pampered section had just started in Rajasthan. They burned the buses, damaged the railway tracks and what not. The "what not" was also a lot of things but the two i just mentioned added to my sorrow. I can not choose to go by bus to home and i can not choose to go by train to Mumbai as the Delhi-Mumbai train route has a considerable part in Rajasthan. So i and my friend stayed at his uncle's home in Delhi for the night

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Fart 7 - The babu

Next morning, I was checking out the headlines on TV. It said that the gujjar protests were over. I was delighted and rushed to station to take the first train to Kota. Train was scheduled at 1:30 pm. I reached there by 11:30 to make sure i get the tickets.
"Come at 12:30", said the Babu. I argued that one can book tickets for current reservation 2 hours before the train time. He made a frustrated face and uttered something which i am pretty sure was abuse.

Well, what could i have done, he was the guy with tickets. I asked him if there will be a rush at 12:30, he said no. I went for lunch.
At least 20 people were in the line and then the only aim was to somehow get tickets before 1:25 pm.

Thank god my number came at 1:10, but here comes the Babu twist. I gave him a 500 Rs note and he said i gave him 100. We argued for 2 minutes, only to upset others in the queue. People started shouting from behind. After much brawl, he decided to count all the money and tally it with his screen data. Now, that means counting all 1000, 500, 100, 50, 20, 10, 5, 2, 1 Rs notes and coins which he was collecting from morning. Those were the longest 10 minutes of my life. I just thank god that some people were supporting me as they saw me giving him a 500 Rs note. Finally he accepted and gave me my money back. With 5 minutes to spare, i just ran through to catch my train .. finally thinking .. home, sweet home.

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Fart 8 - Nadeem and the Gujjars reloaded

The train is named Janshatabdi, an all seating train from Delhi-Kota and back. The Gujjar protests were over and the train had just arrived at Delhi from Kota. It waits for around 30 minutes and then goes back. Happily, i boarded and also met a friendly guy, Nadeem, who later said that he was behind in the queue and just managed to catch the train.

Mathura had just crossed and train stopped. It was raining heat and we were stranded for 30 minutes. And, it was the Gujjars again, they allowed the train to come to Delhi so I can board and then started the protests again for God knows what reasons !!

We came to know that the "SUPERFAST" Junta express was coming to the rescue for Janshatabdi passangers. I just hated that train so i and nadeem decided to go back to Delhi via road. We got down, and went to the nearby village to find out if there was some bus service. But, the village was so remote that there wasn't even an STD there. Of course, there was no signal in out mobiles also.

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Fart 9 - The Neta

Drenched in sweat we came back, waiting for Junta express. And more, Junta was supposed to drop us at Mathura and not Delhi. All the passengers got really angry after reaching Mathura.

Whenever there is a group of people, in confusion and misery, there is a Neta to the rescue. "Janshatabdi Kota passengers, nahi hatenge nahi hatenge", shouted a bunch of guys with the Neta at the center. They had blocked the Station Master's office and demanded reimbursement.

We decided to go back to Delhi as the ticket was anyways cheap. I will not get in to the details of how we managed to get the bus. To simply put it in short, it was as bad as the Mumbai Local train.

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Fart 10 - Night-out at Airport

I was in the bus. My phone rang and it was my dear friend who had asked me to stay in Delhi as he didn't have an i-card. He was calling from Mumbai !!! In morning he had said that he will try to reach Mumbai somehow and had asked me to go home. Apparently, his uncle arranged for air tickets. I was feeling dead jealous.

Anyways, it was 12 in the night when i reached Delhi. Nadeem had a friend in Delhi and he left for his home. I planned to take a ticket in some international Delhi bound flight to Mumbai. They were cheap and many late night flights usually have empty seats.

I arrived at the airport and found out the counter to get such tickets. After having gone through so much, i was in a shock proof mind-set. What can possibly go wrong now?

Great timing !! .. i reached the counter and the guy was pasting a notice on his window, "All tickets to Mumbai are sold". *SLAP ON THE FACE*

Next flight was at 10 in the morning. I felt like Tom Hanks from "The Terminal", only outside the airport. I had no option, but a night-out ! ... I finally came back to Mumbai the next day. Horror ! .. wasn't it ?

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There are many other heroes who didn't get a break in this Beta version of Delhi-420. The auto-wala, bus conductor, taxi-wala etc.

Update (August 24): Don't miss this: http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/nation/it-s-a-city-of-undeserved-privilege

PS: Dilli-6 was the reason i wrote all this. The torture at the climax of the movie was reminiscent of my Delhi horror

Clickety Clack

2009-02-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

Well .. i disagree .. its actually ta-tak-ta-tak ! :)

Before you think what the hell is it, let me start. It's actually the sound made by train (Majorly Indian) wheels as they go over rails. I don't know why it's called clickety-clack and pronounced as klik′ə tē klak′. I never heard a "cli" or a "kli" in the first place !

Perhaps they use fiercely weird(FW) words for abstract objects/sounds/etc ..

An awfully weird observation is that you can actually count the number of bogies in a train without even looking at it. I tried it and it works. Just pick one frequency out of ta(1)-tak(2)-ta(3)-tak(4) and count the number of times it comes. I chose number 4 when i tried for the first time, and the number of bogies came exact same ..
And if you ask me why is 1 different from 3 and 2 different from 4, i don't really have an answer, but it is different, go figure ..

Anyways, the sound occurs when train wheels pass over the joints on the rail tracks which are connected by "Fish plates" (another FW word) .. apparently !
These joints have considerable gaps left in between for expansion of rails during summers. But, this leads to the more or less irritating sound which i think is better termed as ta-tak-ta-tak. The eight wheels, in pairs of two, make these sounds because of the gap.

Although, I later realized that i could have actually considered the whole set, count the number of ta-tak-ta-tak and you are done ..
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Actually there is one correction, one set of ta-tak-ta-tak is actually corresponding to 4 back wheels of one bogie and 4 front wheels of following bogie (courtsey: robin)
So, every junction in between 2 bogies counts for a ta-tak-ta-tak.

so for a 12 bogie train it will be:

ta-tak (1 time) ... ta-tak-ta-tak (11 times) .. ta-tak (1 time)

11 times for 11 junctions and the two singles for the front and back bogie !!! :)

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PS: Don't judge me :D .. it's the title of the blog !!!

Crippled Mechanisms

2009-02-18T03:41:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered why people speak louder with headphones on ? Even i am wondering. But what's written below might sound totally absurd. So please help me figure out what it is !

What happens when your headphones are on ? Have you observed that we speak louder or lower when headphones are on ? and even if someone tells us to correct it, we don't know how much to correct ..

When we speak, is the loudness factor pre-judged subconsciously or is it based on the feedback when you hear yourself? May be the judging mechanism uses some pre-fed data as to how loud it should be according to the environment.

For ex: When in office, you tend to speak low, but you don' take a moment off to decide how low it should be. You know it already, its fed. At max, you iterate a few times. Similarly, when you are in a crowdy place, you speak louder to communicate, you don't decide. Although you might need some trials to settle upon a frequency ..

Now, with headphones, you are louder the moment you start speaking ! .. you don't know which frequency to start with. The vocal frequency - environment feedback relationship is definitely not dynamic

You were loud because you were fooled by the music. You sub-consciously took a decision that the environment is noisy ..
But, the problem is that iterations won't work here either because you are not in the same environment as the person you are talking to is !! you have to plug out your headphones and then talk ..

Many body organs are trained and tuned by us through experiments, trial and errors. For example, the movement of tongue. But every training is on the basis of a feedback .. triviality .. ain't it ?

So if we don't get to hear ourselves, we will never be able to set a proper frequency judgement ability. May be that's why people with hearing disorders tend to speak out in the same pitch most of the times ..

So,
You never know how loud you are going to be unless you hear yourself out? ..